depression diary

birthday + her over me

hey guys, i hope you're doing well.

   my birthday was on june 28th. my birthday cake was animal crossing: new leaf themed, and it came out good. there were certain things that i wanted that i didn't get, but it was okay.

   i receieved mario kart 7, a box of cheese its, and a 3ds xl case for my galaxy new 3ds xl. i love playing mario kart 7. it's the second mario kart game that i have ever played. i love it.

   one of my xbox friends blocked me. he's like 11 or 12 (i think) and we've only met twice. this is the second time we've met. well, he told me that he blocked me because i spend more time with one of his xbox friends that is also my xbox friend than i do with my own sister.

   i told him that i have reasons. i told him that she can be a brat and he said everyone can be a brat. but then i said that she can be one when she doesn't even need to be. he's sitting there defending her and saying that it's fucked up that i don't spend time with her. well, it's not like she wants to spend time with me! she never invites me to parties anymore so.

   he also blocked me because i was talking about my sister behind her back. all i did was tell my xbox friend that i had a dream that i was telling someone how much of a bitch my sister is (which is very much true). i told him she probably talks about me behind my back, which i know she fucking does because i've heard her do it, and he says that she doesn't.

   i told him he doesn't know the whole picture. he's all like "I'm not saying I do" and i said that i know that but i'm just saying. like he doesn't know shit. he doesn't know how the fuck my sister treats me, even when i'm nice to her.

   he's being fucking childish and putting my sister on a pedestal and making her seem like a good person and i'm the bad guy that never wants to spend time with her. maybe i would spend time with her if she didn't fucking act crazy, being obsessed with a guy on xbox and calling him senpai, calling me mommy, etc.

   if he wants to choose her over me that's his loss. sure, i'm 19 and i'm way older than this kid. but i'm so much nicer than my 12 year old sister. she's so mean to people. she's crazy.

   sure, i have my flaws, but i know that i'm way better than my sister personality wise. i care about people's feelings, where she doesn't give a single fuck. i'm genuinely nice to everyone i meet, unless they're mean to me, etc.

   sometimes i want to be really mean to her, and i feel that it's because of my dad. usually i have to refrain from being mean to her. i feel like i'm turning into my dad's mean side if i'm mean to her, as in two times more mean.

   i want to have a good relationship with my sister, but with how she acts now, it's not going to happen anytime soon. i'll just have to wait for her to mature some. she's turning 13 in august. maybe she'll be better at 16....

   my dad tried telling me that because my sister has add (attention deficit disorder) that she says things and she doesn't understand the meaning of them. but that is bullshit. i know that she knows the meaning of things.

   i can't believe he tried to defend her like that. maybe i'm wrong, and somehow she doesn't comprehend how mean she can be. but maybe i'm right, and she knows exactly what she's saying. either way she needs a therapist.

   my mom tried taking her to a counselor but my sister told her that she didn't want to. my sister obviously needs to see one because she does have some fucking issues. stealing my parents debit cards. she's stolen my mom's and spent the money on xbox 4 or 5 times. she even stole my dad's once and spent like idk how much money, which was supposed to be for my mom's christmas present. she told my dad she stole $500 bc he wouldn't answer her question.

   i can't do shit in this situation, i can't force my sister against her will to talk to a therapist or some counselor. i can't do shit to help her.

   maybe you guys could comment some advice?

   i hope you're having a good day. i promise to try to be more active, but we'll see how it goes..