roses bite - tyrus

cyrus| xv: the heart

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i walk into the diner, spotting my friends at a table. "cy, you're here. wasn't sure if you could make it or not." andi spits out.

"yeah um i've been a bit preoccupied, sorry. so what's up?"

"we have a few issues... we need to talk about." i look over at buffy, she's avoiding me. i can tell they don't want to hurt me. "it's about your friends."

"what about my friends?" of fucking course.

"first of all, you're hanging out with a criminal cyrus! he killed someone. where are your morals?" andi glares at me.

"these guys come along and all of a sudden you forget about us." buffy fidgets with her fingers.

"okay that guard deserved it. you have no idea what we all went through. i haven't seen those guys in three years, they are my only family. you guys don't get to say who my friends are. you guys don't get to chose what's good for me." i feel a tear roll down my cheek. "are we done here?"

"tell us what happened in that home." jonah looks slightly guilty. good.

"you really wanna know?" they all nod. "i'll spare you the details. we were abused. bad."

"cy, i'm sorry." tj. i refuse to look at him. i can't stand him pitying me. "what did they do?"

"regular shit. beatings, verbal abuse, threw crap at us. starved us and... s-sexual abuse." i mumble the last part. i hate remembering what they did.

"cyrus... i- i d..."

i can't take this anymore. i can't take this. it brings back too many painful memories. i wish i could forget. i walk out of the diner and sit down on a bench nearby. i hug my legs close to my body. the memories resurface, and i can't stop them. god please stop them!

flashback

i had just finished mopping the floor. i look over and see emily trying to do her math work (they gave us worksheets to do, to give us some form of a shitty education). she looked to be struggling. i make my way over and sit in the chair next to her, helping her out with a few questions.

"goodman! what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"i-i finished my chores so i was just helping her with math, i know it's not an easy subject for some, and i just wanted to help-"

"enough!" i felt a hand grab my arm, pulling me out the room. "stay in your room and reflect! you won't be getting dinner tonight you useless boy." i feel my body being pushed to the ground. then a foot to my stomach. and again, and again, and again.

i hear the door slam shut.

left alone with my thoughts again.

it hurts so much. i look down and see my newly reopened cut. blood was soaking through my shirt. i put pressure on the wound, letting my head drop back against the wall.

end of flashback

"cy? cyrus were sorry." i loft my head up slightly, meeting heir worried expressions.

"cyrus?" i look the the left.

"mom?" she sits on the bench next to me, wrapping her arms around me.

flashback

i hear the door open and close my eyes, ready for the next beating. "my boy... what have they done to you."

my watery eyes meet angie's. "it's been worse..."

"still doesn't make it right. this is all my fault you're here, i should have fought harder to get you out."

i look down and she's already started on the wound. "thank you." a soft smile is on her face, but her eyes, they show worry and pain. "i'll be fine i promise."

end of flashback

"my boy. all this pain you've endured. it's all my fault."

"please don't blame yourself. you didn't do this, it was them." she turns to my friends, "please could you let us talk?"

i watch as they leave, tj hangs back slightly. "please call me later." i nod my head.

"he cares for you that boy. they all do, i can tell. but him more than the others." i smile slightly. "you like him don't you."

"yeah. but things have kinda gotten a bit complicated. evan said he was in love with me, kissed me again."

"how do you feel about that?"

"it's brought up old feelings. i missed it, him. but that was a while ago. but i don't know whether it's just that, resurfacing something that happened a while ago, i mena they say you never fully get over someone. and tj he's great. we've had a pretty shit time but we finally got to a good place. but i don't wanna ruin that by dating him. but he's not even into guys, he's not into me."

"i think you might be surprised cy, you should just talk to him. and as for evan, you two were good, really good. but that was a while ago. the two of you have changed so much over the past few years, you're both different people. listen to your heart."

i hug her tight. she's always managed to help me see things better. "i heard your moving back? we're living on the estate behind the park, there's enough room for everyone, especially since some of the older ones had gone to universities or got into affordable housing."

"i'll start moving my stuff soon."