roses bite - tyrus

tj| xx: i want to hold your hand

last night i left him with a text before falling asleep.

yes i can meet

i throw on my hoodie, walking into the kitchen, seeing no sign of my dad, only the sight of amber as she sticks her tongue out, waiting for her toast. i grab an apple, taking a bite out of it, making my way over to amber, side hugging her, "i'm going out, i'm gonna tell him how i feel." i watch as her eyes widen and a squeal escapes her mouth. "oh my gosh teej! i'm so proud of you finally getting your ass together! now go get your man." she playfully shoves me. i pocket my phone and leave the house.

i sit on the empty swing, looking at the time on my phone. "teej? it sounded important what's up?"

"oh hey, um i don't i." i take a breath as cyrus sits on the swing beside me. "cyrus i like you a lot and i've been trying to figure out what my feelings are exactly and how to tell you, and i can't hold it in anymore, i feel like how we act around each other, there's something there between us."

"you, you do?" cyrus let out a breath, shaking his head, "i, tj i'm sorry i don't like you like that."

"oh..." i look at the ground, my fingers play with the sleeve of my hoodie, as i try to blink away the tears, i can't cry, not in front of him. "i've just ruined our friendship. how can i be such an idiot. i'm gonna go, i need to go, i'm sorry." i stand up and start walking away from the park, hearing cyrus call out my name.

i slam the front door, running up to my room, "tj? tj what happened?" i hear amber follow me upstairs, knocking on my door before entering.

i feel her hand rub my back soothingly, "teej, what happened?"

"i told him and he said he doesn't feel the same way..." i mumble out. i hear her let out a sigh, standing up. after a short silence i hear the beatles start to play, 'i want to hold your hand'

oh yeah i'll tell you something
i think you'll understand
when i say that something
i wanna hold your hand
i wanna hold your hand
i wanna hold your hand
oh please say to me
you'll let me be your man
and please say to me
you'll let me hold your hand

i want to hold his hand. and only his. i thought he liked me, i want to be fucking happy, why do my feelings keep screwing me over. i just wanna kiss him, feel something. i guess i'm paying the price for it. all the past mistakes, all the shit things i've done.