Stucky One-Shots (Angst, Fluff, Smut)

I'll try to kiss you if you let me

this is part 2 for the one-shot "Pick me up now, I need you so bad." it was a request via my ao3 profile (if you want to check it out, my username is the same as this account. i'll be posting some stories there that i won't be posting here, so if you want more content, then that's where you'll find it). be prepared for angst in this chapter.

words: 1.6k

The drops of rain they fall all over, this awkward silence makes me crazy, the glow inside burns light upon her, I'll try to kiss you if you let me (this can't be the end)

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The air is still and quiet. It's too quiet for Steve's liking, but that's because he wants a distraction for his brain to latch onto instead of the restless night he's having. It's been hours since Bucky's drunken confession; in fact, the morning sunlight has begun spilling through the blinds, lighting up the room in a soft glow.

Steve exhales and rubs his itchy eyes with his free hand. The other is trapped underneath Bucky, who hasn't moved much since falling asleep. He's still curled up in Steve's arms as if he'll never get the chance to do it again. Craning his neck, Steve glances at his alarm clock to check the time. It reads 7:37 in the morning. He's supposed to meet Natasha for an early morning workout at eight, but he doesn't think he'll be able to untangle himself without disturbing his friend, and he certainly doesn't want to wake Bucky up and deal with this mess any time soon.

He tells FRIDAY to send Nat a message saying he can't make it, and they'll have to reschedule for another day, using a hushed tone of voice. His head hits the pillow and the silence is unsettling. It crawls beneath his skin and makes him want to tear himself open until it comes back out. Steve feels mocked by it.

He must look like a fucking mess; he's spent the better half of the night crying and didn't even get a little sleep. With the way his thoughts have been running a marathon in his head, how could he? Then he realizes if Bucky wakes up and doesn't remember, he'll be bombarded with questions because, regardless, his eyes probably look as red and swollen as they feel.

Great.

He needs to get out of bed immediately.

Untangling himself, he tries not to wake his friend. It's a little difficult since his body was used as a pillow the whole night, but he manages to be successful.

One glance in the mirror is enough to tell he's been crying the entire night.

While turning on the shower, he hears Bucky shift in the bedroom, the sounds of sheets rustling and springs creaking. Quickly, Steve undresses and steps under the warm stream of water. With a sigh, he begins his normal routine and avoids the screaming in his brain, the one inquiry over and over again.

What does he do with the knowledge that his best friend is in love with him?

Steve tells himself Bucky might not love him anymore. It could be in the past, but that doesn't seem likely. Why would he bring it up if he didn't still feel that way? Then again, he was drunk when he was babbling last night.

The more Steve thinks about it, the more it hurts his head. He still doesn't have answers, even after spending the whole night going over the conversation and the years before the war and the time during the war. The years after HYDRA consume his mind more than anything else, though.

When did Bucky remember his feelings for Steve? Was it after they found him in Bucharest? Was it sooner than that? Has he been keeping it to himself for long, or is this a newly resurfaced memory?

The water runs near-freezing before Steve finally gets out. He's shivering, teeth chattering, and the sensation is reminiscent of the times prior to the serum when he was always ill. The pneumonia was the worst; there were a few winters where he was certain he wouldn't live to see the spring, not with how bad his symptoms were. But Bucky was by his side the entire time. He refused to leave despite his risk of getting sick as well.