One Shot Compilations || camren

Goodnight

My Dearest Lauren,

I know that you are probably feeling alone right now and that is why you are reading this but I know that you know that I will always be there right beside you no matter what. We may have gotten through so many of our life battles together and stood as strong as a rock but clearly that privilege has been taken away from us. You're probably sick and tired of listening to my voice on tape, repeating all of our videos together, just to hear my voice once more but you don't need all of that my love, all you need to do is to look deep down in your heart and you will find me there. I know that you are a strong woman Lauren, you can go through this, it's never the end for us, there will never be an ending to our love. This is just a goodnight, not a goodbye, we will see each other once more, in paradise my love.

Do you remember that time when you first met me? It was a weird day, where everyone were hassling and trying to get things done in that cafe but then you saw me and you said that I was so calm and so into what I was reading that you had to stop what you were doing just to start a conversation with me. You literally ditched your plans for that day just to get to know me. Then a couple of days later you told me that you were interested in getting to know me better, even though we've only been talking for a couple of day. I remember how you said that you didn't want to sound like a creepy stalker but you wanted to tell me that I caught your damn attention and that you think that I should hang out with you more. So then we went on our first date, that first date where you were you being so hesitant and so nervous to ask me to go with you personally but then you still gathered all of your strength together and did it anyway. I clearly remember how you took me to a small restaurant alongside the beach, where we had dinner and small talk then right after spent the rest of our night sitting on the grains of sand, watching the stars and listening to the ocean waves. And on that very night, that was the very first time that you told me that you started to build up feelings for me, you told me that you were scared because I might just run away and leave you behind, that I might reject you and break your heart, that you were afraid to lose me as a friend, as someone special. Look what happened after that, we spent a lot of time together, we shared our thoughts, we shared our feelings then there it is, we just picked it up from there and became the ver best friend and lovers.

5 years after being kids in love, we finally tied the knot. But then before that, do you remember how we both planned to proposed to each other on the same day? That was a weird coincidence, I planned it on that day because it was our anniversary and then you told me that was your reason too. So then everyone suggested that we both should just wear each other's engagement rings so we did then Dinah screamed 'Camren' about 20 times after that. We had a really good time after that, I remember how happy you were, how you didn't care about anything else in this world, you only cared about the fact that you and I were finally be able to spend the rest of our lives together. We were finally able to make our own little family together, forever. Then after having the greatest first year of having the privilege of calling you my wife, we were baffled by the news, the news that changed both of our lives for the better and the worst. We were told that I had a rare type of lung cancer, Adenocarcinoma. We had to learn the hard way that even though I have never smoked in my entire life that I would still be the one who will develop such a thing. I started having shortness in my breaths and feeling a whole lot of fatigue but you stuck there right beside me. You took care of me, you made sure that I was following the doctor's prescriptions, eating healthy and still have the best days of my life.

Throughout the chemotherapy, the medication runs, the tantrums of mine, we made it through together my love. We've made sure that even though there's a small rough patch in our lives, we still spent a lot of time together, to get the most of it, to make memories that we know will last forever, even if I don't. You said that you wanted to get started on working on our own family, having children for you was an option but we both know that wasn't an option for me. You made sure that nothing will go wrong, you did your research, our parents wanting to pay for our treatment. But the therapies, the medications affected my chances of having children although you wanted to carry our child I still wouldn't have it and I've never told you the reason behind it.

You see Lauren, I wouldn't have the child because I would want to carry that child, for us. The doctors wouldn't let me because of the amount of chemotherapy that I have to go through and the medicines that I had to put in my system in order to get better. Another reason why, is because I didn't want our future child to grow up with only one parent, I didn't want him or her to only know one of his or her mother, I wanted to be able to be around our supposedly child. I wanted them to be able to grow up influenced by my beliefs and your beliefs. And the fact that we are now able to get both of our genes in that child, scared me Lauren, it scared me that once that child grows up that he or she will develop what I have and that just lessens their chance to live their lives to the fullest. It's a scary thought Lauren, I didn't want to be responsible for the things that our child would end up developing or for cutting their chance of having the greatest days of their lives. I want to be the kind of mother who they will be proud of.

I hope you understand that my love. I didn't do it just because I didn't like the idea, I loved that idea, the visions of having our own family really made me feel more alive inside. I adored that idea Lauren but I am really sorry if I didn't give that to you.

I love you Lauren, I want you to be happy. I want you to live the rest of your life to the fullest my love. I want you to be out there exploring, do the things that we planned, go to the places that we planned on visiting. I want you to love again, go and love someone who will love you as much as you loved me. They will understand, I know that you're scared but please try. I don't want you to be stuck living by yourself and be miserable for the rest of it, Lauren. This is not the end, it's only a temporary scenario for us, we will be reunited, my dear.

I know that you've already said your goodbyes and you've let me go already Lauren, you've already accepted the fact that I am now about to go away but this is for the best Lauren. I can now live a peaceful life, looking over you, I'll always look over you Lauren. I will never let anything harm you, I'll guide you through it my love, I will. I promise you.

Today will be the day that I asked you to say your good nights and I want you all to be strong. Keep those tears for the day or time when you actually need them. I'm not leaving you, I'm still here for you, even if it means it's just my spirit that's actually there.

Goodnight my love, I'll always love you.

Camila.