I Missed You (Bucky x Reader)

~Chapter 23~

Austrian Alps 1945

He was trying his hardest, he really was. He tried to reach for her hand but it was too far, neither of them could get to the other. Before he knows it, he's falling down into the deepness of the mountains as her name leaves his lips. Her face, the one that got him through so much, being the last thing he sees before everything goes black.

It was quiet, very quiet. That silence started turning into a high-pitched sound ringing in his ears. As his eyes fluttered open, an excruciating pain started spreading through his body. He felt the pain everywhere, becoming too much to bear. However, his left arm felt completely numb, he couldn't feel it. He tried to open his eyes completely, trying to fight the pain, but it was no use. He suddenly felt the presence of someone else as he started being dragged somewhere, before falling back into an unconscious state, unable to take the unbearable sensations reaping through his body.

-

Bucky fights the urge to fall asleep as he tries to open his eyes. What's happening? Where am I? Where are y/n and Steve? Are they okay? I fell from the train, so what happened to me? Hundreds of questions start making their way into Bucky's brain as he finally opens his eyes. His surroundings confuse him even more. He's surrounded by doctors in white lab coats as they work on something around him. This leads Bucky to think that they found him and that he's safe, but all those relieving thoughts go away the second he tries to move and realizes he's tied down. He isn't slow to jump to conclusions and to think that Hydra got him. His theory is pretty much proven the second he hears the doctors speak in Russian. The pain he felt the last time he was awake was gone, meaning it had been a very long time since that happened. But there's a problem, he still can't feel his left arm. Bucky starts gaining more and more consciousness by the second, and he starts trying to break free from the ropes.

"Where am I? Who are you?" he grunts, fighting against the ropes.

"The procedure has already started." a man with a thick German accent and that looks awfully familiar to him says. "You will be the new fist of Hydra." That's when he realizes who it is. Arnim Zola.

"Он не спит." (He's awake) one of the doctors says. "Сделать ограничения жестче." (Make the restraints tighter). A doctor approaches Bucky. He reaches close to Bucky to make the restraints tighter, but just as he's about to do that, Bucky quickly grabs him by the throat and harshly flings him across the room. His actions leave him shocked, but not because of his new-found strength, but because of what he sees. The horror fills his eyes as he looks at the metal arm in front of him. He feels dizzy at the sight of it, being able to move it and feel things as if it was his flesh arm. Suddenly, one of the doctors injects something in his chest, immediately making Bucky feel dizzy and weak but without making him fall asleep completely.

"Put him on ice." Zola says. After that, doctors start to untie Bucky and they lift him up, carrying him to a cryo freezer. Bucky shakes his head, trying to break free, but he's too weak.

"No... Please, let me go..." Bucky says weakly as his eyes threaten to close. "Where are y/n and Steve? Just- just let me go to them, please." the doctors keep carrying him towards the freezer and a few tears roll down Bucky's cheeks. Even in a situation like this in which he was the first one in danger, he still thought of y/n and Steve, especially y/n. He needed to know if she was okay, if Hydra also got to her or if she escaped with Steve. The doctors tie him up inside the freezer as Bucky feels himself becoming dizzier by the minute. A doctor closes the door of the freezer and seconds later, Bucky starts feeling the cold spreading through his entire body. He puts his hand up to the small window of the machine as if that was going to help him escape as the ice finally reaches his face, freezing him up completely.

-

The routine was always the same. They would take him out of cryo just to put him in another machine, but this one was much worse, much worse.... The electric shocks to erase his memories were the first thing Bucky was exposed to. It took a lot longer than the doctors expected. He would scream y/n's name in desperation as the pain ripped through his brain. So they kept going, they kept going until her name no longer came out of Bucky's mouth. Eventually, the memory of y/n started disappearing from Bucky's brain, but a part of her never left. Sometimes he would call out her name without really knowing why or who it belonged to. When he was in pain, her name would pop up in his brain but there was no longer a face attached to it, just a feeling, a very nice and safe feeling. So he would call out her name without knowing why because for some reason, it felt like home.
After years and years of brainwashing, Bucky eventually forgot about everything that belonged to his old life, including Steve and
y/n. He forgot about the way she looked, the sound of her voice, he forgot about all the memories and kisses they shared. He forgot everything, and it was Hydra's fault.

After Hydra made sure Bucky could no longer remember who he was, they moved on to step two of turning Bucky into the Winter Soldier. They tortured him and trained him, punishing through torture if he ever didn't meet the goals Hydra set for him.

The torture and the injections trying to replicate Eskirne's super soldier serum went on for years until Bucky finally became what Hydra wanted: their ultimate weapon.
After that the Winter Soldier started going on missions, infiltrating places, taking out targets, and any other dirty works Hydra gave him.

Bucky was no longer there, as much as he tried holding on to his memories and tried to fight the Winter Soldier, it was no use. That sweet innocent guy from Brooklyn was gone, and a killing machine took over.