Skeletons

in one year

My teacher had
Told me to tell the class my name
And I couldnt even do that

My friend had
Told me she'd won her
favorite game finally,
And I couldn't even give her
A pat on the back

And so now,
I have to go to college and
Meet tons of new people and,
Try to make friends like that's
Going to be so "easy"

People keep telling me
"Its a new experience!"
"Its gonna be great!"
"You're gonna love it!"

But the problem is I barely
Like high-school now
So tell me how am I
Going to like college any more
Than high school?

Because see in high school,
In one year,
I lost all of the friends that had
Been the closest to me

In one year,
I went from A's to F's
And me crying my eyes out
In the middle of the night
Trying to figure out what to do right

In one year,
My self confidence had went down
And my care for others,
Had went up, me caring,
About other peoples opinions
Had went up

In one year, I was
Treated like my words
Were meaningless, because no one
Ever took the time out of
Their day, to give me the same
Respect that they,
Demanded for themselves

People keep telling me
"Well then slam your fists."
"Tighten your grip and make your heart your whip."
But I've already done that

I roared so loud
And I stood my ground
And I said "you will listen to me
You will hear the words that I
Shall speak!"

And what did they do?
They laughed
They said "Sit down",
"Who do you think you are?"
They told me to shut up and that
I was weird and that no one
Would listen to me

In one year,
I had found out the true meaning
Of depression,
But no one believes me if I say
That I am depressed
Because they think I'm too dumb
To understand a big word
Like that

They say
"You don't know what depression is"

They asked me
"Did your parents die?"
"Was your whole life a lie?"
"Do you have no friends?"
"Are you gay or bI?"
"Do you cutt yourself at night?"
"Do you get abused?"

Because you don't get depression
You say it to get pats on your back
You say it so that you can feel cool
You say it, so that you
Can get pity for dumb problems

If you are sad,
Get over it,
Because your reason to be sad
Is stupid, you're mad,
Because nobody cares about you?
Ha!

Wipe those tears!
You weren't abused for eight years
You don't drink alcohol to drown
In your own sorrow

In one year I learned
That I'm not allowed
To be sad because everyone elses Problems, comes before mine

I come to school every day
With a smile bright and
Imprinted on my face
And if I said that i was depressed
You'll probably just laugh

But if I came to school,
Crying all the time
Then I'm being dramatic

In one year I learned
To stop depending on people
People are liars

In one year,
I changed
In one year,
I started to cut myself
Because apparently i thought
I would feel better

I thought I was paying for
My sins, I thought,
That the pain I felt inside
Would go away once I felt
The scars on the outside

In one year
I stopped believing in God
I thought he was real
But I'm still here waiting for a miracle

I learned everything is my fault.
Its my fault that i am
Ugly and weird
Its my fault that I smile
From ear to ear
Its my fault that my teeth,
Are too crooked
Its my fault,
That I always act so stupid

I learned I'm not enough
That I need to have
Name brand clothes and shoes
For people to even treat me right
So I have to look right,
For people to want to be my friend

In one year
I learned that I am alone
In one year for a month I stopped eating dinner,

In one year I gained 30 pounds
I know I mentioned everything bad
But see the thing is, I am still sad
People say that I have friends,
But if I do why do I feel alone
Why do I feel left out and why
Is it that I am always
Made fun of like some clown

Why is it me?
Why do I have to approach someone for them to talk to me?
Why am I buying people gifts?
Why am I telling people,
How much they mean to me
When I mean so little to them?

Can you imagine,
Wanting to cry,
But then having it programed
In your mind,
That you can't because
Your problems are little
So you don't deserve to shed
Not one damn tear

"People have bigger problems."
"People have bigger problems."
"PEOPLE, HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!"

So stop crying!

I just want to be appreciated
In one year, no one has told me
That I meant something to them
In one year, no one has said
That they are afraid to lose me

In one year I am still sad
Because no one cares.
No one shows me, they care.
They say they do, I'm tired of the lies

In one year I wasn't going to be alive

But I still am, but not for you or him or her but for me

I told myself when I got home
"Its just one bad day"
"Its just one bad week"
"Its just one bad month"
"Its just one bad year"

In one year I hope I'm not sad anymore.

Because I can't take it anymore.