MY POETIC DIARY

THOSE AGONIZING YEARS

For many painful years

I was in tears

that lasted many more hours of fears.

In an unblessed world

that gave me so much fright

that almost ended my life.

I sterile my soul from what my past gave

Yet, I still bare the memories

I am not sad

yet I am glad,

I put all my excrescence into the ink

for the whole world to read about me.

I care about what is right

what God would want in my life,

from far and near

I know all those fears

that brought down the tears

for so many agonizing years.

I share my stories -

for all those who are still in wonder.

The unreproachable ones that are lost

into the darkness of life,

where it is your hear forever bleeds...

even in your sleep,

You are never alone, although you still weep.

I remembered always staring out the window

while others were living out their lives

Oh, how I would cry,

because I was hidden from life,

I was always told to be silent because I wasn't

allowed to speak.

But my abuser was always tainted with my mind.

My heart was truly frozen as this beast was sowing

his seed into my mind.

Leading me blind to what life could have really been for me.

All those red roses that are grown into the garden

withered away like rose dust-

where all promises were never kept

I rest my weak body on my cold bed

and lie there as if I was dead.

I thought about all those Poets and poetess

that had written out their famous lines-

when they felt hurt and used and abused

by the ones they loved.

When everything carries an exists

that aromas the air with life,

little sounds that the wind cares into the night

somehow made me sigh.

I would do all that I could to lean towards the Lord

I would pray night and day

For the strength to get away,

and find my way out of the gray,

I learned to find faith and I waited for my escape.

 Judy Emery © 1980The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery.