MY POETIC DIARY

MEMORIES

No one really could understand me
or the pain I was in. I was very shy about my life,
all I could ever really do was cry in so much shame,
I knew deep within my soul,
I had to find a way to make a change in my life
before this evil man takes my life.

But, in my life, I am always to forgive
no matter the pains that come my way
maybe because that is all I knew how to do,
this abuse had been going on for a long time,
I didn't know how to stand up for myself
Oh, how I lived a life in a Living Hell.

Every time I have seen his ugly face, I felt so sick
for all the bad things he did;
I ask myself over and over, how did I get in this mess
all he ever did was never any good,
I had measured out every grief he brought me,
to every gift that gave me,
that go with the blames and shames.

All these sad painful years
all he has ever given to me is a life of true darkness,
the makes he left in my heart and on my soul,
this life is too painful and cold,
I know this sounds like a sad old song of long ago,
But this is my story and it will be told
No, matter how old.

I know deep down inside all we had is all a lie,
all he ever did was make me cry all the time,
I will never believe anything he has to say,
I don't even like looking his way,
everything has been written on the walls
down the hall where he left me to bleed away.

I remember all those years, that gave me so much fear
cold winters nights with no love in mind;
abuse and being used is the story of me,
I had no one to save me from him,
No one ever cared too
Because they were all the same.

I remember how I use to wait for him to come home
until I found myself not waiting any longer,
my heart moves from fire to ice
I would think about how much I hated him
But the more I was hating him
It was only making me sick
It makes me crazy saying things I don't mean.

My heart wants to start all over again
But not with him,
I just want to be alone
I don't need anyone to hold
In this part of the story, I did forgive him
and I had left him,

But, all I have now is the memories
that give me darken dreams
that make me always scream for peace.

Poetic Judy Emery © 1990
The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Lilly Emery