MY POETIC DIARY

SAYING MY GOODBYE TO LOVE

Another night closes in,
and I feel so alone.
I touched my heart -
and it felt frozen just like my skin.

Everyone would say to me,
that love doesn't hurt,
but I find that isn't true-
because I'm black, and blue over from you.

I'm talking to myself on this cold lonely road,
I'm starting to feel old.
sometimes I'd like to quit,
nothing seems to fit.

Loneliness made its way into my life,
another time things didn't go right,
I feel so cold within my soul
-from the pains of long ago.

No love of any kind,
could truly change my mind,
I cry in the night-
hanging around all the places we use to go to.

It has been nothing but a roller coaster ride
of the ups and down emotional ride
-you left me in,
way back then.

Oh, all of those ups and down lies
that you had called love,
well the outcome left me feeling broken
so very empty-
I have seen plenty,
to last a lifetime of misery.

You are going around town
talking trash about me,
So no one would ever talk to me
only look down on me,

I walk all alone like some lost clown,
that he has beaten down.
I lost all my self-worth,
-feeling all this hurt.

Oh, how I really thought I needed you
I even felt I may have loved you.
Once upon a time,
that may have been true.
I thought I couldn't live without you.
You were once my everything,
that life could ever give.
I do forgive,
but I will never forget.

All I know now is the pains you left me in.
You shamed me and blamed me
in front of my family and friends-
and you told me you would do it all over again.

It was hard at first saying goodbye to you,
but in the long run, I am so glad I did.
I pray God forgives me -
this abuse has gone on way too long,
I don't know how I had hung on.

Empty, broken-
I felt like a used up token
that has been tossed around in a lion's den.
Where the traps were always laid out for me,
where your evil game begins with no end.

My life was shatter in your darkness.
I had fallen apart because of your hatefulness,
the head games and lies
that you told me day and night.

I am glad to say my goodbyes to your abuse.
I felt so used,
because of you-
and No, I'm not confused.

I felt I wasn't ever going to see another tomorrow,
you left me in a lifetime of sorrows,
Oh, for this heart of mine
I do pray it will one day mend.

So, I could lose all this bitterness
and painful memories,
So, I can live a healthy life
and one day let true love find me.

I'm saying my goodbyes to love,
to what he calls love.

-Judy Emery © 1983
The Queen Of Darken Dreams Poetic Judy Emery