Heartbeats in Moonlight

Chapter 20

Ten minutes later, with her notebook back in her bag, she braced, as she knew she had to go past the kitchen and lounge to get to the other wing. She mumbled quietly to herself, "You can do this." It was a statement that she had repeated over the last ten minutes.

She reminded herself that she had seen him with his girlfriends previously. She could handle this situation today. Of course, she would be closer today, normally if she saw him with his girlfriends she was on the other side of the road, or the room, or the hall, actually wherever: She would be far away from him and his girlfriend and with lots of people between her and him and his girlfriend. She nearly giggled in hysteria.

She took her time walking along the corridor. Butterflies' wings started to flutter. Not a good omen, given this fluttering was a sign of nervousness not ecstasy. "Come on Gabriella, you can do this." She reminded herself as she dawdled in the corridor.

But her intuition was accurately.

As she approached the room she saw David and Loretta kissing.

She should be a clairvoyant, her head noted with sarcasm while crushed glass raced through her blood stream and cut her heart to shreds.

Thankfully before she could blurt out any other ridiculous responses, like screaming, she froze.

Remained utterly motionless. The world actually stopped in her vicinity. Immobile. She was at a standstill. Everything stopped. Including her heart. No breathing. No thoughts. But the feeling of crushed glass racing through her blood was too much to handle without breathing. She snapped out of her trance. And feelings, thoughts and emotions flooded her heart and head. Just hurting. Categorically hurting: Unexpected torture and agony.

Breathing hard, her brain tried to manage the flood of reactions while her heart tried to manage her sensations. This was not the right time to pander to torture. She closed her eyes, for a second, and she hoped the distress would vanish. But when she opened her eyes, she realised she was still the leading actress in her nightmare. She ran a cold palm over her hot face, blew out a breath and willed herself to take command of her thoughts and reviewed her intended behaviour.

With a desperate need to cloak herself from the pain, Ella closed her eyes, but she still couldn't stop the image of a lip-locked David and Loretta forming. Her fingernails bit into her palms as she fought for control.

She would not cry. She would not cry. Not here, please God, not here. Stop it, she remonstrated with herself. Stop it. It doesn't matter who he was kissing. Two years, she had spent two years in the same town as him and managed to avoid, a, seeing him and, b, seeing him kiss anyone. It doesn't matter, it repeated in her mind.

Obviously her instinct for self-preservation was good, given that seeing him kissing another woman was squeezing the life out of her. Thoughtfulness was not a good idea, but she could handle this with decorum, she reminded herself. She repeated again, she could handle this and took one step forward. "Come on Gabriella, you can do this." Keeping that statement in her mind, she kept walking forward, immersing into her nightmare.

He'd braced both arms on the breakfast counter, caging Loretta within his arms, and while her fingers were locked around the back of his neck, his fingers were splayed across the counter as he balanced and they continued with the kiss.

Of course Ella recognised Loretta. She was a local solicitor. Ella couldn't see his eyes, but she could see Loretta, and the woman looked like she was enjoying the experience. But then Ella knew from first hand that the experience was gratifying and bone melting.

Ella fought back the tears. She opened her mouth to take quiet deep breaths, and did her best not to slide to the floor in a heap. She banked the pain that shot through her heart, a squeezing sensation that she thought would be akin to a heart attack.

She took another deep breath, to stop herself from doubling over, but she still came very close to just sobbing out loud. It hurt. Physically. Emotionally she knew it would always hurt if she ever saw him kissing someone. How she had managed to be around him for the last two years, without witnessing that action, she didn't know. Of course she'd seen him with other women, across the road, the room, the hall. But she'd never seen him make out with another woman.

He had moved his hands. Oh no, thought Ella, it felt like someone was stomping on her. In any case, her heart attack will become fatal. He had one hand on Loretta's hip, the other was making light work of the pins that held her hair in place. His mouth was fused to hers, and Ella could see from the interaction that they were French kissing.

After the way he'd kissed her, she had left all her defences down. And what she was seeing now, was shredding her slowly from the inside. She slowly, breathed out and then closed her eyes and worked hard to stem the tears. She needed to be calm, to be serene before she moved on. But her feet were glued to the floor. The effort it took to stop the tears from falling, and to hide the pain that shot through her, was nearly too much. She delved frantically in her pocket for a tissue, and dabbed quietly at her eyes, hoping and praying that they wouldn't see her. Scurrying back to her car was not a good idea, her head vetoed her heart's suggestion. She needed to stay strong. So she didn't look for an exit.

So she squared her shoulders, took another breath, told herself to get a grip, muttered an expletive, unglued her feet from the floor and took another step toward them. Ella made sure she made a lot of noise as she approached. She knew how to walk quietly in her 3-inch-heels across wooden floors but she wanted them to stop kissing before she entered the room. Her heels clicked noisily as she stepped into the room.

Slowly, David disengaged, lifted his head, looked over his shoulder and turned toward Ella. Loretta kept her fingers laced in his hair. David didn't move away from the other woman. Loretta's lips were swollen from his kiss, her eyes drowsy with lust, her hair in complete disarray.

It took a great deal of effort, but Ella kept her eyes wide and on him and she kept moving toward them. Ella felt her heart squeeze and the tears she had banked, threatened to appear. She fought hard to keep her mask in place. Stay calm. Stay calm.

What was she going to do about the way she felt about David? She shouldn't have kissed him in that car park. She got more and more anxious as she kept her eyes on him.

"Ella, finished?" His gaze moved to the book in her hand and back to her eyes.

Her eyes flicked to meet his as she stated with coolness and a fair amount of terseness "Sorry to interrupt." She added a smile. She smiled with her lips, but without a trace of sincerity. Her eyes issuing an open challenge.

If only she could just scream and vent to show how she felt, she would feel better, but that was not in her nature. Instead she became cool outside, albeit with fury banked inside, with her heart and head fighting for precedence. And her eyes sparkled with temper.

David wasn't sure if her eyes were sparkling with tears or fury. But he knew that he fully intended to continue with this charade despite the fact that kissing Loretta showed him that he had just kissed the wrong woman. Because it was not Ella.

He stared straight into Ella's eyes and he knew, they both recognised that time apart had done nothing to moderate the power of their kiss. But he hoped that in time, this feeling will subsided. He might want her now, like he'd never wanted any woman before, but that would pass, he was sure.

You are an idiot, his mind reminded him.

Ella tipped her chin up another notch. She had planned for this meeting, but she had not factored in David's female company. But Ella thought, if she smiled and replied to any questions with generic responses, she could keep their conversation ticking over. She could find a way out of this house and she would forget that kiss that she just witnessed.

You are an idiot, her heart reminded her.