Getting You Back

Chapter Nine: I Won't Give Up (Harry's Pov)

Chapter Nine: I won't Give Up (Harry's Pov)

        I can feel the throbbing pain of a headache in the front of my head. I put my hands on the sides of my head to keep the room from spinning. I look at the dark room and try to find a spot to concentrate on. The room is hot and the smell of vodka and my own stench mix together causing a nasty smell to rise. I cringe my nose in disgust at myself. 

"Harry!" My name gets yelled out and I feel my head throb even more. I bury myself into the couch cushions to block out the sound. I can hear the kicking around of empty liquor bottles as my unexpected guest make their way to me.

"Please just stop. I am already hurting." I beg the unknown person in pain. Shadows form at the threshold of my flat. Suddenly, the curtains get opened, allowing the light in. The sudden light change burns my eyes causing tears to form and my eyes to sting.

"Go away." I groan. Right as I begin to roll into my cushion a hand comes on my shoulder, stopping me from succumbing to sleep.  

"Come on mate, you need to get up." I hear Zayn's voice for the first time in days since that stupid meeting. "You need to shower mate. You smell like death and liquor. Come on Harry." Liam tries to lift me from the couch. I pry his hands off me and throw them back to his sides.

"No! You can't make me. Leave me alone. I don't need your help. I need Halle."My words come out slurred and slower than normal. Another set of hands come on me, trying to force me up but I can't push them away like I did the first time.

"You're drunk Harry."
"Nice guess smart one." I shoot back causing a hand to pop out and punch me in the arm. The alcohol that flows through me numbs me causing me to feel nothing, even the punch that Liam just threw at me. Louis and Zayn bend down and pick me up by the arms. They get me to stand up on two feet but the place themselves beneath my arms to help me with my dead weight. I take one step away from them causing my legs wobble back and forth.
"I said leave me alone." My voice comes out low and gravely. Even I couldn't recognize it myself. But then again I wasn't myself. I was missing one vital thing. My heart. With my heart I cared and felt emotion. The day she walked out of my life was when I lost it all. I lost my heart and when that went with her I lost the ability to care. To care for myself, my job, and the things that allowed me to live properly. Now I could careless. I don't want any of it. All this doesn't matter if I can't share it with her. I know my heart is inside me beating. But I can't feel it. It's just a numb spot in my chest. I with shaky legs, I make it to one of the walls. I place my hand on it and begin to guide myself to my bedroom. I leave them in the living room and head to my bedroom so I can make it to my bathroom to shower. My feet come in contact with soft carpet, telling me I made it. I begin to make my way towards the the shower, taking my clothes off with each step. By the time I am down to my boxers, my feet come in contact with tile. I go directly to my shower and turn on the warm water. In the comforts of my shower, with the noise of the spray over powering any noise, I break down. Instead of hitting the wall like I normally do I cover my face with my hands and let my tears fall down my face. My tears fall down my mixing with the water.

"I am so sorry darling. I am so sorry." I cry and whisper the same thing over and over again as if she can hear me. I repeat it over and over even though she's a whole ocean away. My legs give out causing me to slide down the wall of my shower. The water pours over me as I let myself cry. I told her I would never hurt her, I promised her. It was the first thing she asked of me. A pain begins to burn in my chest. I begin to claw at my chest, scratching and punching, trying anything to take it stop. I feel like someone has started a fire within me and keeps adding more and more fire fluid. 

"I am sorry, I am so sorry baby." I cry out to her, wishing that she could here me across the ocean.
***

I feel my mind begin clear up as I step out of the shower. The drunken haze I was once in left with the water that went down the drain. I dry off my wet skin as I walk towards my closet. For once, in what seems like ages, I put on clean clothes and actually try to look somewhat presentable. You're trying for her, keep trying for her, the voice in my head says. As I walk back into the living room I hear the lads' voices as they hold a conversation.
"He's killing himself. Staying indoors and all the drinking." I can hear the worry in Liam's voice. I stay behind the wall to hear more. I hear the clanking of the empty vodka bottles that are getting picked up from the ground.

"And he's gonna kill Niall when he finds out Niall took Halleiana out to dinner. Nalleiana is what the paper said and is what trending on everything." My teeth clench at the sound of their blended names. It doesn't sound right, it doesn't flow like it does with us. She will always be mine.
"It's going to kill him when he sees these boxes." Boxes? I think about the things that I could of possibly ordered or if someone was going to send something but nothing comes to mind. I round the corner to see four boxes sitting across my floor. The boys freeze when they see me. I see Texas stamped across each of them. I enter the living room, bend down to the boxes and wordlessly open them. Inside there is tissue paper, protecting what ever is inside them. I push away the paper and inside I see all my stuff. In this box, all of our pictures and notes are clumped together. In the next, it is all my clothes, the clothes that I left in her closet for when I was with her in Texas. Within one box I see the tiny rose gold band that I put on her hand. Everything that is us and our entire relationship are in these boxes.
"Maybe you should let her go Harry." Louis says as he picks up one of our pictues. My hands clench on the sides of the box. "I think it's time." I stand up, towering over each of them. At my sudden advance, each of them cower away from me in fear.

"No!" I yell at them. "You don't get it! You don't. It's her. Everything about me belongs to her. I make no sense without her. I stood up on that stage and I sang for her, to her. I did it to let her know that I love her. I got up in the morning for her. So I could have a few precious moments with her before I was taken away. I have traveled to many places on this Earth and I've gotten many things for simply being me. But I would give it all up for her. Because she is home. At night I want to be beside her in this world. I want her as mine, as my girlfriend, as my wife, as the mother of my children. I would go through heaven and hell for her. And if you think I'm gonna let Niall take her away, you're wrong. I won't give up, I will keep trying to the day I die. Because NO ONE can love her the way I can."