Getting You Back

Chapter Fifteen: Something New

Chapter Fifteen: Something New 

        I sit frozen in my seat with my phone pressed to my ear and with my hand covering my face that hides the nervous tears that fall down my face. It feels as though I have been sitting here for years. Be with me. Be mine. His words echo in my head over and over again. Be with him? Me as his girlfriend. How could someone so happy and vibrant as Niall want someone like me? Someone so broken. He is walking ray of sunshine while I am rain storm who brings a grey, bleak sky when I am encountered. Could I give my heart to another? Let alone Harry's band mate? It sounds so wrong but how could I know if I don't even try to move on. How do I try to move on with my life when I force myself into this life and dwell in the fact that I am no longer a part of Harry's life. I've been stuck in this limbo state and it's not helping. I have been stuck in this same state that I have conformed to it, I have blended myself in it that I don't know what it is like to not be in it.

"Ello? Halle..." My body unfreezes at the sound of his voice. I drop my face into my hands as I grip my phone tighter. Oh God, what do I do?
"Niall, how could you want me? I'm damaged goods, I'm broken. You can have someone who can give you everything. How could you possibly want me?" My voice shakes as  I whisper into my phone. Tears fall down my cheeks and I hold in the sobs that are desperate to come out and a slight pain forms in my back from my shaking.

 "No!" He yells angrily. "You don't see yourself the way I see you. You don't see how bright your eyes get when you laugh or how big your smile gets when Coldplay comes on the radio. How beautiful you look when your cheeks turn red with your blush. You don't feel how my heart stops every time I hear you say my name. You have never seen yourself through my eyes. You may not see or feel but I have. I've held back this whole time but I've waited for you ever since the day you walked into my life and ever since he broke you. I waited because I wanted the best for you. You're the one I think about not all those other girls. It's you. It's you beautiful. I am what's best for you, I want to fix you. Please just give us a chance." He takes in a deep breath at the end of his speech. Tears run down my cheeks as his words set in. He doesn't see the cracks that I have, he doesn't see the missing piece that are gone because I am broken. I bite down on my lower lip to keep in my sob. Lilly gets up and sits next to me. She wraps her arm around me and holds me tight. I rest my head on her should then finally let out a sob. I shake against her body as I try to consider everything.

"Do what's best for you." She whispers in my ear.

"N-ni..." My voice trembles when I speak out your name. How do I say yes to the most perfect man when I am not the perfect girl. I have fallen from grace, I come with baggage that no man should want in a relationship.
"Halle, will you be with me?" I feel myself shake when he ask me again. 
"I-I....Please, I just need some time. I just need a quick moment to think." I hang up before he can say anything else. I throw my phone back down on the table and I throw myself in my best friend's arms. As silent as possible, I cry into her shoulder. 
"Come on, lets go home." Lilly picks me up by my arm then leans me against her. She picks up both our purses then take my keys. Without looking back at the rest of the restaurant, she leads me out, taking slow steps so that my shorter legs can keep up with her longer ones. When we make it to the car, Lilly opens the passenger door then helps me up. I give her shoulder a squeeze as a thank you then she runs to the driver side. She starts the car and gets us out of the parking lot. My hands wring as Lilly drives us back to my house. The thought of being with Niall is still fresh within my mind. Do what's best for me? I've done that already and look what happened. There's something about me that's not enough. There is something about me as a girlfriend that is not enough. What if I am not enough for Niall? What if I don't have everything Niall needs from a girlfriend?
"What are you thinking?" Lilly suddenly asks, breaking the prolonged silence. "Don't get sick!" She screams at me. Lilly glares over at me for a second then focuses back on the road.

"This is scary Lil!" I finally respond. Right as I yell back she pulls up into the front of my house. Right away my front door opens and my mom steps out. She has a calm facial expression yet I can see it in her brown eyes that she knows everything. When Lilly parks in the front drive way, I jump out of the car and run straight into my mom's arms.

"My sweet girl." She whispers into my ear. She lightly sway me back and forth in her arms, calming my racing heart. Her hand scratches at my scalp then she smooths out my hair. "Lilly already texted me." I smile over to my best friend, silently I thank he. My mom pulls away from me for a second then presses a kiss to my forehead.
"Come on, lets go inside." We follow my mom inside the house. Elliot comes running from down the stairs. When he opens his mouth to speak, mom raises both her hands, stopping him from what ever he planned to say. She leads us right pass him and leads us straight to her room. On her bed is Ben and Jerry ice cream, pizza, Chinese food, cookies, and cakes. The comfort food that I would need to come to a decision. She gestures us into her room with her hand. I kick off my shoes then go towards her king sized bed. I lay against her pillows and relax for a minute.

"Come on, it's time to tell momma everything." Mom says as she lays beside me. I lean back up and place myself between Lilly and my mom. I pick up a cookie and prepare myself. Both of them look at me, waiting for me to talk.
"I'm scared. I was with Harry for such a long time and I have no clue if he loved me at all. He voluntarily cheated on me. No one forced him to, he chose to. What if I can't be a good girlfriend? I don't know how to be a girlfriend to any other man. I am broken, he broke me. Niall doesn't deserve that. He deserves so much more. How do I open myself up again to allow him to be my boyfriend?" My words come out rushed and fast with my nerves. I feel my heart rate to pick back up again and beat against my ribs. My mom pulls me to her chest and she runs my fingers through my hair.
"You, my darling, are a good girlfriend. You are scared because you are still in love with Harry. A part of you always will. He was your first love but just because he was your first love doesn't mean he will always be your only love. Maybe Niall can touch your heart too. You have to try. I have never someone look at you the way Niall has. Maybe Niall is the one who can fix you. Things happen for a reason my love and maybe that reason happened so you could be with him." Her voice comes out in  low and gently tone, allowing me to remain calm than a mess of nerves. She leans over to the bedside and grabs my phone then places it  in my hands. "You know what you have to do sweetheart." With a deep breath, I unlock my phone and dial the memorized number. With each ring  of the phone my heart races faster and faster, threatening to burst out of my chest.
"Ello?" I take a deep breath then speak.

"Ni..."

(Niall's Pov)

"Ni.." My mind and body knows her voice right when she says my name. My hear begins to race in my chest, the hairs on my neck raise, and a sudden peace comes over me at the thought of her. Her voice sounds light and scared. I can hear her sniffles as she tries to speak. I can hear the deep breaths that come in and out of her lips. 
"Go on sweetheart, it's okay." I hear the light whisper of Isabelle's voice in the background.  

"Hi honey." I say lightly, hoping that my voice can calm her down. As I try to calm her down I feel my own nerves begin to kick in. My hands begin to shake with her prolonged silence. In this instance, she can say no. She can turn me down and say she never wants to see me again. That's the worst thing that can happen right now. I know she still loves Harry and I know a part of her heart still belongs to him. You don't love someone so much like she loved him then suddenly stop. Love doesn't work like that, even I know that. But I can try to fix her, to heal the wounds that Harry forced upon her. I can give her my love. A love that won't stress her out or make her cry. A love that grow rather than destroy.
"I've made up my mind." My own breathing stops for a moment. I can hear my heart racing in my ears. She takes in a deep breath before she speaks. "I will be with you Niall. I want to be with you." I jump up from my seat with my excitement. Everything within me screams with happiness.

"Thank you so much honey. I promise we can take everything slow. I promise that I am worth it. I promise." I lay back on my bed with my phone pressed against my ear and a smile pressed across my face.

"I want to make you happy Halle. I am going to make you happy."