More Than a Fan || cth

Chapter 22

Calum's POV

I whip my head away from the tv to face Lacie.

"What?" I feel like I didn't hear her correctly.

Lacie's trying not to meet my eyes, squirming nervously on the couch. Duke pops his head up.

I sit up, grabbing the tv remote and quickly shutting it off. "Lai, look at me."

She takes a deep breath, finally meeting my eyes. "Okay, um, Calum, I have to leave."

"You're going home?"

She nods. "I have to."

"Do you?" I feel a wave of dread wash over me.

Lacie sighs, sitting up on the couch. "Yes, Cal," she looks down at her hands, twiddling her thumbs. 

"Why?" My throat closes up as my voice comes out a lot quieter than I expected. Her already sad expression softens, and she crosses the room to sit next to me. I try and search Lacie's eyes for any explanation for what is going on, but she's still staring blankly at her hands.

"You know my best friend, Hazel? She's..." Lacie takes a deep breath, her voice shaking, "She's sick, and she needs me, you know?"

"I need you," I blurt out without thinking. A sad smile tugs at the corners of her lips.

"Tone that down, Mr. Celebrity." I snort, but I still look away from Lacie because I understand what she's really talking about. I'm being selfish. I know she needs to be there for her best friend, and I'm getting in the way of that. But I, selfishly so, want her to stay here with me.

"For how long? Tour isn't for another two weeks."

"For as long as I need to. Probably for more than two weeks."

I don't even know what to say.

"You know I want to go with you. But, Hazel has always been there for me, I need to be there for her. This is a serious thing."

"Does she know you're with me?" I ask curiously, just letting my thoughts rush out of my mouth. Probably not my best idea...

"Yes, she does. She knows I've been hanging out with you for a significant amount of time now. I don't know why she wouldn't, Calum." Lacie tells me, annoyance laces in her tone. I try not to feel hurt, knowing she must be stressed. 

"Don't get defensive." I mutter.

Lacie chooses to ignore my stupid comment. "Hazel wouldn't have called and asked me to come if it wasn't serious." Her expression hardens as she shields her emotions from me.

"How bad is it?" I ask, regretting doing so immediately. I'm sure she doesn't want to answer these questions. She could either my totally normal question calmly, or she could assume I'm still wanting to be selfish and make her stay. Secretly, I am still being selfish, but I don't want Lacie to know that, considering how bad that would make me seem. I'm not doing it intentionally, I guess I just tend to lean on things more heavily than others, or something. 

I brace myself as Lacie chooses the latter. "My best friend is dying, Calum!" Lacie raises her voice exponentially, which takes me by surprise. I've never known Lacie to yell. She's even told me before that she gets scared when others are yelling. She stands up and combs her fingers through her hair in frustration, then suddenly turns toward me, her expression softening again as her eyes meet mine.

Lacie's arms drop limply at her sides. "You're a big boy. You can take care of yourself without me." She looks as if she's going to reach out to me before she stops herself. It seems like I need to be told that more than once today. Or, her and Ashton have been conversing. "You don't need me there."

"I do," I shrug, and can't stop the smile that overcomes my features. As much as I wish that those two words could break her, could make her curl up into my arms and forget about everything around us for two more weeks, it doesn't. It just causes a fire to ignite in Lacie's green eyes. 

"This isn't a joke!" Lacie is basically shouting at me now, and I'm trying to keep myself calm. "You don't need me. You never have. You've toured the whole freakin' world without me for years before. I really don't understand what's changed so much to make you think you can't go a little while without me constantly clinging to you." 

All thoughts have flown out of my head at this point. "I love you," I say, my eyes going wide when I realize what I've just confessed. I haven't even told myself that yet. I can feel the back of my neck starting to heat up.

It's been suffocatingly quiet in the room for what's felt like years, but I can't make myself take the risk to look up at Lacie. I'm silently begging for her to say something. 

"What?" Lacie whispers, so quiet I almost can't hear her. I decide to push every bit of emotion and common sense out of my mind, or what was left of it, and I look up at her. Her green eyes are swimming with tears, her jaw practically dropped onto the floor. 

I lean back against the couch, trying to be as casual as I can seem even though my heart is about to pound out of my chest. "I said," I swallow heavily, hiding my shaking hands, "I love you, Lacie."

"No," she states, shaking her head and taking a few steps away from me. 

"What?"

Lacie won't look up at me again. She takes more steps, getting farther away from me. "You can't love me." She turns and bounds up the stairs behind her.

"Why can't I?" I call, then lay back against the couch, feeling defeated. 

I need to go after her, to figure out what the hell she's talking about. I need to fix whatever this is before it gets worse, before she leaves and I never see her again. Because why would she ever want to come back to me after all of this?

Admitting that I like Lacie, even love her, apparently, makes me feel vulnerable. But it also makes me feel as if everything has been resolved already, even if it hasn't. Previous tension I hadn't known existed has seem to have lifted, somehow. 

I don't expect her to love me back. As much as I wish she would, I also understand why she wouldn't. I push any egotistical thoughts out of my head.

There's practically nothing in it anymore.

I finally decide to get up and face what I just did. As I'm nearing Lacie's room. she storms out of it, almost knocking into me. She seems to have messily stuffed all of her belongings back into her bag. I don't understand how she re-packed all of that so quickly.

Lacie stops, inches away from me, and takes a deep breath. "Calum." Lacie whispers, staring at my chest and still avoiding any eye contact. I suck in a breath.

"Yeah?" I choke out. I swear neither of us are breathing. I try really hard to focus on what Lacie is trying to say even though my heart is beating so loud I'm sure she can hear it too. 

"You.." she starts, bringing her hand up to tap my chest with her index finger a couple of times. "You..can't say those kinds of things.." she takes a breath, "if you don't mean them." 

Her fingers leave a trail of fire on my chest. I feel frustration bubbling up inside of me. Why wouldn't she just believe me? "Why would I say something like that if I don't mean it, Lace?" I hook my fingers under her chin and make her eyes meet mine. I can almost feel something break inside of her at that moment. 

Her face is red with anger..or frustration..or something. I'm not quite sure. Her eyes are still watery with tears. It almost breaks me to see her like this, knowing I'm the reason.

She leans in closer to me. My eyes flutter closed instinctively as I feel her hand on my cheek.

"I need to go, I'm sorry." Lacie says softly. She presses a lingering kiss on my cheek and leaves as quick as she came.

I want to question why my heart feels so heavy, but I know the reason.