Reviewing The Future[Closed for Catch-Up]

Loving Minuet

Book: Loving Minuet
Author: growingupinsane
Review Type: Beginning

Prologue
• Your first sentence should be direct. Don't use "might". It takes away from the strength of the sentence. Just tell us there are different types of pain. That's a stronger opening. But great first paragraph.
• The imagery and emotions in the writing is top notch.
• After she tells him she can't marry him, you have the sentence "she cut him short and stepped away from him". You don't need the "cut him short" because that's clear with the dialog. That'd be my advice. But if you honestly want to keep it, get rid of the "from him" and just end at "stepped away". Or you could get rid of it either way, because it's clear she's stepping away from him. So there's three options.
• "Non other than their professor". Should be "none".
• Careful to not have too many long sentences. Descriptive sentences are good, but without sentence variation it gets long and boring. So be careful to not have too many long sentences.
• The car crash should be a short sentence. More abrupt and fast, telling us how sudden it was.
• "Crashing into it like a catastrophe". It's not like a catastrophe, it is one. It's a weak comparison. Either delete that or find a better metaphor.

Chapter "01 Flute"
• The point about Ares moving there from London has no connections or relations to anything, so the sentence seems out of place. Either delete it, or find a way for it to be relevant to the story. Maybe add a sentence about Nova preferring him being there, because that ties it together.
• Don't use two ten minute sentences in a row. Just do "twenty minutes later, I was at the London cafe" or something like that.
• Majestic... is an odd word to describe anyone but royalty. It feels weird, but if it feels right to you, go ahead. Other options could be: gorgeous, exquisite, handsome, beautiful, etc.
• You describe him as "majestic" then just "cute". Those are very different levels of attractiveness.
• You don't need to information dump about appearances. Sometimes it works, sometimes it feels like too much. Your delivery is smooth, but it's a lot of info at once.
• "And Ares laughed loudly". Delete the "and".
• Ares and Nova's relationship is unclear. Does she like him, but he doesn't like her back? That paragraph is unclear.
• Who's Cynthia? His mom? I thought his mom owned the restaurant? Is Cynthia his sister? That whole thing is confusing and unclear. At least clarify some things. Later note: you don't actually clarify this until several chapters later, which is really late. At least give us a hint now.
• Young adults don't run like kids to their grandparents house. At least not like how you've described Nova and Landon running.
• "You're only becoming handsome" should be either "more handsome" or "handsomer".
• "His eyes were closed" not "was closed".

Chapter "02 Passion"
• "It can look haunting" change it to "it can look just as haunting".
• "Past" not "pasts".
• Lowercase "did" after the dot dot dot.
• "She complimented him but he didn't acknowledge it". We know she's complimenting him, that's clear from the dialog. You don't need to tell us what we already know. Say "said" or just ditch the dialog tag and say he didn't acknowledge it.
• Her sentence shouldn't be asking if he's going to sleep. Instead it should be "why are you awake?" Or else it doesn't make sense in context.

Chapter "03 Fire"
• "A million times she had told herself that she didn't care, a million lies had piled up". The end of that sentence is awkward. Either split it to two sentences, or change it to "and all of those million lies had piled up".
• "They both went" should be "they had both gone" or else you're implying they still go to primary school.
• You accidentally called Landon "London".
• Instead of "although they always met up for holidays" do "but they always". "Although" sounds weird in that sentence.
• "Her hair was let down" not "were let down". You do this several times. Hair is classified as one body in writing, unless you're talking about all the different strands of hair.
• Again, try to avoid appearance info dumps.
• Not "maybe" but "it was of no use because it was snowing again". Maybe weakens your writing.
• "I have" not "I've amazing friends". The contraction doesn't work there.

Chapter "04 Storm"
• "Onto his lap on the couch" seems like a bit much. Just say he pulled him onto his lap.
• How you delivered Dominic hearing the cry for help was well done 👍
• "On the couch on his place" change to "on the couch in his place".
• "Answering back Dominic" sounds weird, try putting that part in the beginning. Like: "As if answering back to Dominic, the cat meowed before busying himself with licking his paws".
• I love how she describes his scent and then he thinks how it's weird that she's sniffing him. That contrast is hilarious.
• "It was mostly my legs" not "it were mostly my legs".
• The connection between him and the cat is cool. I love how that works.

Chapter "05 Frost"
• Can cats eat gummy bears? I'm not a cat owner but I feel like that's bad for them... but I could be wrong.
• "The complicated it will become" should be "the more complicated".

Chapter "06 Art"
• "Why can't I let be excel" is jumbled wording. Fix that.
• Price tag not "prize tag".
• Careful to not have too many long sentences in a row. (This is around them falling in the snow together.) Sentence variation!
• Nova's sentence about helping someone and making them happy is awkwardly worded. Change it to something like "if you help someone and it makes them happy, what does it cost you?"

Chapter "07 Colors"
• "The smell of food drifted in the air mingled" doesn't work logically. It should be "the smell of food drifting in the air". Also in that sentence try not to use "wood" twice, it's repetitive.
• After tomorrow and 6pm, "onwards" should be capitalized. It's a separate sentence.
• You put an "a" instead of a "s" when saying Nouvel's nose. (When he calls her Cupid.)
• Aunt is capitalized when with a name. "Aunt Mallory" should have both words capitalized.

Overall
• I love how the title is essentially "Loving a Cat". Because the cat's name is Minuet. I get that it's a double meaning and everything, but still. I like that.
• When the dialog is a question mark or exclamation point, the dialog tag is still lowercased. The dialog tag is always lowercased(not counting a name of course). Example: "Are you okay?" he asked. Or: "Hey!" he exclaimed.
• Careful with "were" and "was". You mixed them up several times throughout the story.
• You have mature, well-thought out writing. It's excellent and has few grammatical errors. Honestly I could see this as an actual novel sold in stores.
• Nearly everything the characters say is like a life quote and that's pretty cool.
• Nouvel's character is well-written. Sometimes people fail with writing characters with contradictory personality traits, but you've done her well. She's naïve and innocent, but brave and determined. I can see all of that through her actions.
• I don't know what's going on with Ares and Nova's relationship. Does she have any feelings for him? I'm getting the hint that he likes her, but is it mutual? Do they both know? Their feelings for each other aren't clear.
• You've been careful with the age gap between Nova and Dominic so far, so my last tip is to just continue being careful. They do have a substantial age gap. I think you'll be fine if Dominic and Nouvel have a slow-burn relationship(which seems to be happening now). Just be careful about jumping into anything quickly.

⭐️ I love reviewing stories that pique my interest. I've added this to my reading list now, just because I've really gotten into it and the writing is good. Take my advice or don't, as always it's your choice. The reason is that there's so few notes is because I had nothing to critique.

~Happy writing~