Reviewing The Future[Closed for Catch-Up]

Fishnet Love

Book: Fishnet Love
Author: @bangtanination
Review Type: Beginning

Chapter One "Fight or Flight"
• When you have a dialog tag(she said, he replied, etc.) the dialog ends with a comma, and the dialog tag is not capitalized. Example:
"Come and get it," said Jungkook.
• Even when you're using a dialog tag after an exclamation point or question mark, you still lowercase the dialog tag. Like this:
"Stop messing around!" said an annoyed Taehyung.
• Instead of saying it was above both of their heads(because how it's worded is kind of weird), say that he held it high above their heads.
• Capitalize "BigHit", it's a production company.
• You can't sleep "profoundly". I think the word you're looking for is "soundly".
• Jungkook "bend his hands". I'm not getting your meaning here. How would... bending his hands get it farther away from Taehyung?
• When you say something's big, you can't also say it's slender. They're contradictions. You do this when you describe Taehyung's fingers.
• "were sitting on the sofa talking about the new tour that will start from next week". First, "from" does not belong in there. If you fixed that, then it makes sense. Switch "from" with "in a".
• Use "music video" instead of MV. Some people won't get it, and then you're also writing so abbreviations are almost always a no-go.
• Don't use too many dialog tags of "he shouted" and "he snapped". When you use "shouted Yoongi" it falls flat. My tip in this case would be to show not tell. Instead of adding a dialog tag, put something like "Yoongi slammed his hand down on the table in anger".
• Don't use JK. Put his full name.

Chapter Two "Doubts and Dreams"
• After you do a "..." the word should not be capitalized because it's the same sentence.
• "The air was thick filled with... Lust?" First, look at above point. Second, "thick filled" is not good grammar. It would be "thick with" or "filled with". Third, how can the air be filled with lust? He's taking a morning jog. Instead, maybe tell us about his mind. "His head was with filled with thoughts of... lust?"
• In the texting: instead of writing "to tae" put "Jungkook". Writing "to tae" is quite confusing, and it'd be simpler if you just put his name.
• You don't need to tell us the temperature of the air conditioner. Saying it's on high speed is enough.
• End sentence of this chapter is broken up weirdly. Keep it one paragraph. And honestly, the "..." tells us there's a break so you don't need the "with a break he finished". Delete that.

Chapter Three "Chocolate and Kookies"
• Clever chapter title.
• "Always gives heart attacks". Always gives me heart attacks.
• "I don't know" not "idk". It's writing not texting.😉
• When you tell us about Taehyung getting up and getting dressed, there's too many sentences starting with "he". Change it up. Add variation.
• Too much description on his hair. Tell us he pushed it back and it fell in his face again. Nothing more than that. There's too much effort on a small detail.
• Try not to use the same name twice in one sentence. It's too repetitive, and there's always a way around it.
• You don't always need a dialog tag. If it's clear who's speaking, ditch it. Putting action flows a lot better. As well, you can put the dialog tag(or action) before dialog. It doesn't always have to be behind the dialog. When you do that it ends up looking like a long train of similar sentences.

Chapter Four "Silences and Distances"
• "He didn't wanted". He didn't want to.
• "These bones" not "this bones".
• You don't need to tell us where everyone is sitting. Say that Jungkook is by Taehyung and you're good. There's no other need for table seating description.
• "Have you said it to?" That sentence doesn't make sense.
• It takes a lot for someone to cry. Yes, you can say his heart broke, but don't say he cried for Jungkook cutting off his apology.

Chapter Five "Too Bad, Too Early"
• If you're going to shorten choreography, it would be "choreo" with an "h". But don't shorten it, except in dialog.
• Don't use too many emojis in your writing. They don't belong there. (Also they don't show up for anyone on a laptop!)
• "Spilled into the car" not "spilled in the car". They're not milkshakes.
• You don't need to tell us it's a time skip. Instead, put a fancy time divider in. I use these * whenever I have a time skip. You can use whatever you want.

Chapter Six "Darkness and Wait"
• "Bag of stuffs". Don't do that. Please. It's just "stuff". Of course, if you could be more specific—clothes, deodorant, phone, that would be better.
• You don't need the specific car seating. It's not necessary at all.
• "Check the pics from my pic". You mean from his phone.
• Don't end a sentence in a contraction. "No I'll." It should be: "No I will".

Chapter Seven "Airplane pt2"
• You don't need to describe his entire outfit. Just say he put on sunglasses. Done. You can describe more if you have an action with it.

Chapter Eight "Burning in Love"
• "Locked" not "lock."
• Nice description of the "little moments" after they exit the plane.
• "Quiet" not "quite".
• Remember, no abbreviations. Do "because" not "cuz".
• The paragraph that starts with "everyone, listen, and your suitcases" is too long. It should be broken up into smaller chapters.

Overall
• Don't take my review as a substitute for not editing. Still edit!
• Don't tell people at the beginning of the chapter it's not edited. Instead, edit it before publishing. I always reread my chapters at least twice before publishing.
• The characters' dialog is very immature. I know they're immature people, but it can take away from the sophistication of your writing if you overdue it. Be careful with that.
• Your spacing is odd. In some places there's a space between paragraphs, while in others there's not. Fix that for a better formatting of your story.

⭐️Thats all! I encourage you to keep writing. Take my advice or not, the best way to get better is to learn from mistakes.

~Happy writing~