Reviewing The Future[Closed for Catch-Up]

Dance with the Devil

Book: Dance with the Devil
Author: tacticaltoast
Review Type: Beginning

//The next three requests were on Quotev so if it seems I'm not updating this, it's just because I'm doing requests I got on Quotev first. I'm still reviewing stuff, don't worry!//

Chapter One "Devil's Train"
• Your second sentence is a little... on the brink of being too long. I'd recommend shortening it so instead of describing the exact spot of the seat, just say her legs bounced against the seat and continue with telling us she's on a train.
• Freak that guy is creepy.
• Careful about having too many long sentences. Short sentences are okay too!!
• Sighing isn't a way you can speak, it's an action. You can't use sighing as a dialog tag. So "he sighed" needs to be capitalized and that dialog can't end in a period.
• So was she lying that her dad was on the train? Or did her father lie to her? It's kinda unclear, but that could just be my own comprehension. It's not something major though, and you could leave it if you want. Or clarify it more.

Chapter Two "Devil in You"
• Sentence variation. Make sure not all of your sentences are long, split up by a comma.

Overall
• Common title, there's like fifty other books all titled the same.
• Your story is not badly written. You've got dialog rules down, and you know what you're doing with your writing. I know that doesn't seem like much of a compliment, but a lot of writers don't know what they're doing.

❌ This story violated the rules in "The Outline". I specified that I would not review any story with mature or sexual themes. When you said abuse I did not realize it was sexual abuse. I understand there was a warning for the chapter, but I cannot properly review this without reading it consecutively. I stopped midway through chapter two.