(TW. homophobic slurs, harsh language, and mild violence)
January 24, 2019, Wednesday
Dear Diary,
So you know how I said 'what could go wrong'? Welp guess what? Everything went wrong! I messed up so many times on my first day at work. The only good thing about that situation is the fact that the person that was training me was actually nice and patient enough to deal with me. I almost told seungmin about my insomnia today too. He asked about my eye bags and why I seemed so tired. I must have not covered them all the way with make up. He eventually dropped it. But when he left he seemed mad at me.
But the worse part of this week was the fact that I encountered some people from my old school. The same people who used to bully me all the time.
I tried to run away as soon as I saw them. But they noticed me and started to chase me. They eventually caught up to me. They cornered me and just like they did when I was at my old school, they held me down, beat me up, burned my wrists with they're cigarettes and told me how disgusting I was. They were calling me things like 'slut', 'whore' and 'faggot'. Just like always, I was close to passing out because of the pain. But they wouldn't let me. Each time I was about to, they would hit me to make sure I stayed awake.
They probably would have cut my wrists after burning them till they turned black like they usually did, if it wasn't for someone coming and getting them off me. They beat them up pretty badly and I found out after the people ran away that it was Felix who helped me. He helped me home and helped treat my wounds. And even respected me when I told him that I didn't want to talk about it. Felix stayed to make sure I was okay before leaving an hour after.
Why does everyone always have to help me? Why am I such a burden? I can't do anything right. I can't even protect myself. Someone always has to help me. I'm such a terrible person. The things they told me today were true. I know this. They know this. And eventually everyone at this new school will too. That's why I deserve to feel such pain. I deserve to get bullied and ridiculed. To get my wrists burned. It's my fault all this is happening anyway. It's my fault I get bullied. It's my fault that I got my wrists burned and I encountered those kids today. It's my own fault that all these things are happening to me. And I know that everyone thinks so too. So maybe it would be better if I just wasn't here. Maybe I should leave. I can't die that would hurt them too much. So maybe I'll leave for a while. Or forever. Forever would be best.
-Jisung 2:50am
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𝘿𝙀𝘼𝙍 𝘿𝙄𝘼𝙍𝙔 | 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙎𝙐𝙉𝙂 {𝑫𝑰𝑺𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑼𝑬𝑫}
Fanfiction"I love you. I've always loved you. Even when I was so cruel to you I did. I swear I did" Jisung writes in his diary about the bullying he's experiencing. Minho's his biggest bully. Started: 12/25/18 Ended: 5/24/23
