Pride of the 90's

Chapter 8

I wish this was easy. I wish I lived in a world or even a different time where I could just say I like boys and nobody would bat an eye. Even then, it shouldn't have to be said. It shouldn't be this special thing that some people are and aren't. I should just be able to like boys without making a big deal about it.

But I don't live in that world. Instead, I live in this one, where I'm not allowed to be gay, I have to have a girlfriend, I have to be strong while everyone else gets to have a breakdown. I live in a world where I have to be a man, which means I can't have feelings. I'm not allowed to say I don't like girls and the idea of being with one feels wrong to me.

I just like boys. Whats so wrong with that?

I felt so "BLEGH" that I didn't sleep all night. It's six A.M and I still don't feel tired. I spent the whole night thinking about what to do about this. Do I keep shoving these feelings down and pretend they aren't there? Or do I bite the bullet and tell Brandon about my feelings for him? Maybe I should talk to Haley first without the 'subtle' hints? She may not know anything about being gay, but she might know what to say.

She doesn't know much about anything, which is why she's failing, but still.

Am I to mean to her? Probably, but she would also probably laugh at me if I told her I'm gay. Not because it's funny. We just have that kind of relationship where we pretend to hate each other and make insults, all in the name of love. She also laughs when stuff is supposed to be serious. She's not allowed at funerals.

Morning rolled around and I still wasn't feeling any better. I didn't want to go to school, but it was either that or spend the day watching game shows and sitting in my feelings. I think I've done enough feelings sitting for one night.

"I can't do this anymore, Haley," I said, leaning hopelessly against my locker. It was the middle of the day, after lunch.
"Do what?" She asked, exhausted and hoping this wasn't about Maddy.
"I can't work with him."
"Danny-"
"No, just listen. I know what you're thinking, but just listen. Please."
"Okay, I'm listening."
"Okay. So, ever since we started working with him, I've been feeling...I don't know, different?"
"Is this about your whole 'he's a mutant' thing?"

Did I say that? I might have accidentally said it out loud while I was thinking it.

Or she's a mutant and can read my mind and hasn't told me because she knows I would be jealous.

Either scenario is plausible.

"No, it's not." Okay, here goes nothing. "Haley, the truth is..I'm g-"
"Hey," Brandon said, coming up to us, giving off that irrisitable half smile. I started blushing and felt my head strongly gravitate back to the table. God, why does he make this so hard? He's like Nightcrawler mixed with anybody but Cyclops. He looks like he cries after sex.
"Hey, B-Man?" I know she go that from Batman, but I can feel the hyphen in her voice.
"I forgot to tell you that I won't be able to work with you today. I gotta help my parents at their ice cream place today, so. Yeah."

Do you think Jean Grey pretends to faint when using her powers so she doesn't have to sleep with him?

"Oh, well, sorry to hear that. Good luck with work!" I don't wanna sound like a jerk, but I'm glad to have one more day away from him. I'm disappointed, yeah, but I know how I am. It's not that I don't want these feelings anymore. I've made total peace with them and I'm not fighting it anymore. Mostly. I am, however, fighting my feelings for him. Being gay is one thing, but I can't have a boyfriend, especially one I see at school everyday.

I just admitted that I want a boyfriend.

Neat?

"Unless, you know, you guys wouldn't mind doing it somewhere new for a change?" God damn it. Haley is gonna say 'yeah, sure, that sounds fun' and he'll probably say 'cool, can't wait to see you there, by the way, Danny, I'm glad you put your glasses back on, you look really cute and I wanna kiss you so hard and-'
"Okay, I'll see you guys there."
"'Kay," Haley responded.