Pride of the 90's

Chapter 18

"Okay, talk," Brandon said, sitting on his bed.

Angel and Rico used to hang out here a lot, before I showed up. Haley was here too, of course, because of Brandon's PlayStation. She's not allowed to have one for the same reason she can't borrow my VCR. Brandon isn't very good at being alone, despite his parents always being at work, so he called them to hang out since he didn't wanna be alone today. Guess that's the difference with me and him; He doesn't like to be alone without talking about his feelings and I don't like having feelings at all.

We were in his room with the door closed, trying to have some privacy. I was standing in front of his dresser and he was on his bed, which he never makes up. I'm not judging him, I'm just wondering how he functions in such a mess.

"I'm...sorry?" I repeated, wondering if he heard me the first time.
"Please don't tell me that's all you have," He asked, annoyed with my response.
"I guess?"

Madison and I never talked about this stuff. When we fought, we would just separate and reconnect the next day, as if nothing ever happened. Which now that I think about it, she was usually the one who let it go, while I still had more to say. Gay or not, we really should not have been together.

"Do you even know what you're apologizing for?" He tiredly asked.
"Yes?" No, I don't. truth be told, I was just hoping we could do the same as when I was with her. Maybe I did it to early?
"Look, if you don't even know what you did, then maybe it's best for you to just go home."

And here I am trying to patch things up.

"You're the one that started it," I blurted out.
"How? You're the one who was acting so entitled."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you're the only one that can't be okay. I get that you've been going through a lot, but you're not the only one."
"Is this about what I said about you not paying attention?"
"Yes, it is. You were acting like I'm not allowed to have my own issues with my brain. You made me feel stupid."

Okay, yes, I can get a little in my head about it, but I don't go talking about it for attention. Or at all.

"You sounded like you were telling me to 'cheer up' because you have it worse. How is that fair?"
"I don't know, how is it fair for you to try to fight Madison when all she wanted to do was talk?"
"How was I supposed to know that was all it was?"
"Because she's the same girl who makes other people sharpen her pencils because she doesn't want to risk getting led and wood shavings on her nails."

Which is true. She made me do it a lot.

"She's also one of the few people that knows about us. I don't trust her to not say anything."
"I trust her."
"Well, I don't! I'm not you, Danny, I don't trust everyone just because they say so."
"Yet you trusted Eric?"
"What? Why are you-" His voice got quiet as he spoke. "What did he tell you?"
"Everything."

And yet nothing at all. A man of many words, but only because he thinks he's smooth.

Like chunky peanut butter, only without the butter.

I was planning on not telling him, since I didn't want to give him more a reason to act like a bodyguard, but it is one of those things you're supposed to talk about as a couple.

"He picked me up on my way home," I said, throwing my head back and sighing, feeling ewy just thinking about it. "He told me he knew about us. About you. How you two 'dated' or whatever you wanna call it. Then he tried to sleep with me. I think. He put his hand on my leg, but he was really weird about it. I felt him shaking, like he was nervous. But then why would he be nervous if he does this all the time? I don't know, I already dealt with it."

Oh, my god, he's been lying to everyone. He hasn't slept with anyone. He's been faking it to look cool. I think? I don't know, my head is still spinning from all of this.