home//fillie

chapter 011

millie

"tell me about your past." finn asked abruptly. we had previously been chatting about our favorite movies.

for the record, i love jurassic world, the martian, pitch perfect 2, and the fault in our stars. an odd bunch, i know.

"um, well, my family died in a fire. i was at my friend lilia's house. the rest of my family was at home. they were driving me home, and i saw my house go up in flames. my mom, dad, charlie, paige, and ava."

i was slightly surprised that there were no tears in my eyes. it happened awhile ago. not that i had gotten over it though. i was never particularly close to them, but i was still devastated of course. but i don't like to think about the past. i don't hold onto my trauma. i accept the change.

"in one of the foster homes i stayed at longer, i met a girl named beverly. she wasn't a foster kid, she just went to my school. we became best friends. she died. leukemia."

finn tugged me closer. he had stayed silent, instead just listening to me. i appreciated it. it's harder to tell a hard story when somebody keeps interrupting you. i find it easier to just blurt it all out.

"i went off the rails after that. doing whatever the fuck i wanted. i just didn't see the point anymore. i started hanging out with bad people. started smoking and drinking. that's when i met jacob." i sigh at the memories. i was ashamed to say the least. i thought that the way to deal with my issues was to drink and smoke. but i know better now. it's crazy everything that has changed.

i had mentioned jacob to finn, but never in detail. it was something i left in the past.

"jacob was a piece of shit to say the least. he'd put me down, make me feel terrible. he cheated on my numerous times. he manipulated people. but he's gone now. and now i have you. and you're not jacob. you would never cheat on me. i know that."

finn smiled, "did i tell you about my mom?" he asked softly. i shook my head. he hadn't. i didn't want to push him. usually you don't ask about people's pasts, and they don't tell. but joe's foster home wasn't normal.

"my mom's name was leah. she was so pretty. and smart. kind and caring. and she loved me. so much. it was perfect. my dad was not. from his early teens and on, he was in a bunch of gangs and stuff. i don't know what she saw in him exactly. they were in love though. but gangs are dangerous. they both died after being shot." he sighs, before adding, "they always said that they never wanted to live without each other though."

i kissed finn's forehead and let his head rest on me. we sat in comfortable silence. how could something so bad, happen to such a wonderful person?

***

"you love him." my  foster dad stated. it was actually only joe and i in the house. finn was hanging out with iris, and noah was off with some guy. the rest were at work. so we decided to eat snacks and watch the good place. also pretty little liars was taken off netflix and i'm sad.

"we aren't even together. i love him as my brother. a sibling love." i lied about the first part. maybe...the loving him part too. i was conflicted. did i love him?

"i know you guys are together." joe scoffed. his tone was suggesting that i was an idiot. "y'all are terrible actors. i could tell a long time ago. plus i saw you kissing outside the door. i guess you forgot about peep holes."

my jaw dropped. "you knew this whole time? and you didn't say anything?" i was in shock. i genuinely thought we were good actors.

"i was waiting for you to tell me. it isn't my place: plus, i trust you guys. as long as you're being safe and-"