//completed// in which a troubled girl named millie is placed in a foster home. with the cast of st.
a fillie, stranger things fanfic.
this is just fiction.
i have a tendency to mess up whatever is going good in my life.
it's like i can't believe that it's happening. as if something this great couldn't happen to me. it's a problem that i don't know how to fix. i try. i really do.
i was happy with millie. i haven't been this happy in a long time. i don't know why i got so drunk that night. i think i was getting nervous that things were going too well. drinking is sort of a habit, that's easy to fall back into. so i told myself one beer. than two. and one thing leads to another and i'm really drunk. for someone that handles their alcohol well. and drunk me is reckless. and likes to ruin everything. i guess i self destruct. i ruin everything i have.
i can't seem to do anything right. not even my fucking suicide.
don't take that the wrong way. i want to be alive now. i do. but the pain i had after my attempt was worse than what i was feeling before.
i was in a really bad place. i was always high or drunk. i didn't think there was anything to live for. i had no real friends, family or a home. now i do. but i've managed to destroy all that too.
i tried to overdose but someone found me and called 911. i don't know who it was.
after being in the hospital, i was taken to a new foster home. joe's. i had a support group every week that i was required to go to.
they told us to find something we were passionate about. that's when i discovered music.
i also meet iris. we clicked from day one. i know millie felt threatened by her at first. she has nothing to worry about. grace has her eyes on somebody else. though iris comes off as a little hostile first. that's why she caught my eye. we both sat silently the whole support group.
i've gotten a lot better. i'm nowhere near the fucked up kid i was years prior. but i also have a long way to go. and maybe it wasn't right of me to go into a relationship knowing that i couldn't give what she wanted me to give. and that i would inevitably fuck it up.
this doesn't change my love for millie. cause i love her so much. but maybe she was right to dump me.
i really wish i could give her a good excuse. one that makes all this go away so we could go back to normal. but the truth is, i got drunk and kissed maddie. she didn't force herself on me. i kissed her. i pulled her on my lap, like i used to do with millie. even though i heard everyone and knew there was a crowd gathering. i wasn't thinking. but obviously i should have been.
i don't expect her to take me back. what i did was wrong. she should be forced to put up with this. all the pain i've put her through. she shouldn't have to put up with all my self destruction.
and i'm really really sorry. but that doesn't change anything, does it?
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sooo this was my first time writing from Finns perspective. I though it would be nice to have a lil bit of info ab finn bc u didnt know much before. I actually like this chapter a lot. anyway I wanted to address the time line of this book. there r a lot of time skips that I don't actually say. Even within the chapters, I'll skip a week or two. so at this point it's probably like early November. the book started in the summer. anyway does anyone have any Netflix recommendations? -em
