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chapter 15

iris

ever since i was a little girl, i knew i didn't like boys. it wasn't some sudden realization when i was older. for as long as i could remember i had always just liked girls.

and for me, it wasn't a huge deal. it wasn't something that i thought was wrong. my parents thought otherwise.

at some point i knew i had to tell them. but i didn't realize just how severe the outcome would be. i assumed that it wouldn't be too bad. i was their daughter? they couldn't stop loving me. why would my sexual orientation change anything?

so i mustered up the courage to tell them that i liked girls. they told me that no daughter of theirs would like girls. they promptly threw me out of the house

i took refuge at my aunts house. and she's great but i was still miserable. so miserable that i tried to kill myself. she wasn't supposed to come home until later, but she left work early. she was planning on surprising me with takeout and a movie night. since she knew i was having a pretty rough time. when she kept calling me and receiving no answer, she went to check on me. she found my passed out on the bathroom floor, a bottle of pills in my hand. i was in the hospital, and therapy for a while.

thus meeting finn.

finn is my best friend. he's the only person in my life that i've come across, that understood what it feels like to be utterly and completely unwanted.

then millie came along. suddenly the  days were filled with finn talking about her and wanting gazes.

i could tell that millie didn't like me. she was obviously jealous. you would have to be blind not to see. but i wasn't ready to tell my whole story to her so that her and finn could be together.

plus it's my job to try and protect finn. i thought that she was going to hurt him. and he did end up hurt. but he brought that upon himself. i suppose it was really the other way around.

i would be lying if i said i wasn't jealous though. i was just feeling threatened. i was afraid i'd lose my best friend. and nobody would care or want me anymore.

i thought about talking to millie. but i would probably say the wrong things. and she has a dozen people trying to play therapist. and no matter what i would probably be biased. she didn't like me, and i'm not sure i liked her.

anyway. i was thinking, if finn was able to get with the person he liked, why don't i? even if it ultimately ended in cheating and disaster.

i have had a crush on grace for a long time. i didn't even know if she liked girls? though nobody knew that i did either. only finn.

so that's why i was walking up the stairs to grace's house.

but i do hope that finn and millie somehow resolve it all. i just wanted to see finn happy. i didn't want to see him spiral down the same path.

"hey!" grace grinned, opening the door for me.

"hi." i replied shyly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. i wasn't usually this shy. i almost always say what i want to say. i don't let people push me around. but something about grace makes my insides melt. just thinking about her makes me smile. i try and get over her, but then she asks to borrow a piece of paper and i'm falling all over again.

"do you want a snack before we start working." she asks as i walk through the door.

"um sure." my hands were sweaty and my heart was beating faster than usual. i had to tell her soon.

grace had gotten us some chips and we climbed the stairs to her room.

we had been quietly working on our project for twenty minutes. i was growing restless, and i was just going to tell her.

"hey grace. i need to tell you something."

her head snapped up, "yeah?"

"i-i like you. but uh not as a friend." i was breathing heavily and i think i just ruined everything.

she smiles, "i like you too, iris."

needless to say, we didn't get much studying done.

so this was pretty random lmao. it doesn't contribute much to the plot but I thought it was fun. also I started school last Thursday :( and marching band last Saturday . i love marching band, I'm in colorguard but it's sooo much work lmao. so I'm busy and updates might be less frequent. r u guys in school? if so when do/did u start. let me know :) ! - em