Poisoned Love

21. Mixed Emotions

"I just...I have feelings for you, Lydia." He confesses, genuineness evident behind his voice. I don't blame the hot tears when they roll down my cheeks. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I knew I'd hurt Ryder if I told him that I don't feel the same way or if I'm crying simply because I've had horrible day and I can't seem to find any good that has happened today. I sniffled and scrunched my nose.

"Ryder, you know I care about you...so so much." I say and cup his cheeks. "and I still want us to be friends..." I say and my voice betrayed me by croaking. "I'll always love you, just not in that way."

All the blood was drained from his face. He gulped and I can't help but notice the tear that slides down from his glistening eyes that were full of tears and emotion.

"Then why'd you lead me on? Why did you make me think you liked me?" He says and pulls my hands from his face. I couldn't help but shed more and more tears. My sobs were no longer muffled.

I can't believe that we're doing this right now. I guess I never expected him to have feelings towards me. I even blamed my own self for supposedly 'leading him on'.

"Ryd, we can still be best friends." I tell him. "I know that it's hard and I know I sound so stupid right now but maybe you'll forget about these feelings someday and you'll find yourself someone who deserves you." I say and wipe my tears away. I feel so guilty for hurting him but it's only the truth. As everyone knows, truth comes with consequences...

"I-I'm sorry, Lydia." He says in a faint whisper, it's barely hearable. "I need time before we can talk again." He says and instantly walks away to his car. I followed him in attempt to stop him from going but he already fled in his car.

What's up with people confessing their feelings for me? If I didn't feel bad enough for what I caused Cole, Ryder definitely made sure that I'll feel guilty as fuck. I'm not sure if I'll be able to look him in his face again.

What if I had just braved up and told Ryder about what Cole told me. Maybe he wouldn't have said he had feelings for me especially if he knew that I'm hurting because of Cole. I stormed inside the house, ignoring Cara and my mom being woken up suddenly and alarmed because of me. I got into my room and shoved my head inside the pillow, regretting every decision I've ever made that has led to having this as the worst day of my life. Just as I thought that the day was getting better and Ace and I were having fun, everything gets demolished and shattered into a million pieces.

"Lydia?" Cara says in a soft voice as she enters my room. I was way too devastated to try and start fighting with her. I straightened myself up on the headboard and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't look half-decent as I thought I'd look. Cara's surprised face made me cry harder. My face was red-tinted, my eyeballs tired of crying and I was sniffling madly.

"I'd ask if you were okay or not but I know you well enough to know that you're not." Cara half chuckles and half says in concern and seriousness. She instantly grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug. I found myself hugging her back and crying into her shoulder as she patted my back for comfort. I didn't care that Cara and I were on bad terms right now, I just needed for someone...anyone really to pat on my shoulder.

"I'm such a terrible person, Cara. I don't-"

"Shhh." Cara whispers. "I know what you're about to say. Don't say it. Lydia, I've never saw anyone like you." She says and pulls away but her hands were now placed on my shoulders. "Yes we may have our differences, vast differences." She chuckles and I forced myself to do the same in effort of easing the pain I felt. "But I still see you as the lovely young lady I grew up with, the smart, classy, loyal, privileged Lydia I've known my entire life. I know you can push past your sadnesses and conquer them, whatever they are. I won't push you to tell me what you're sad about but just know that I find you incredibly strong and I was sure of that after how I saw you dealt with dad's...you know." She says. Her whole entire heartfelt speech made me feel a thousand times better yet a thousand times down too. I just wrapped my arms around her and sniffled.