snow and stars| jon snow

xvii: soon again

Jon Targaryen woke up first. He woke up because of a warm body next to him and somewhat in his arms, and then he remembered what happened the night before. He could almost still feel the way his stomach was sinking whenever she pushed up to the sky, propelling them upwards. He smiled lightly when he did feel it, remembering the laughs she would do when she heard him yell an explicative.

     Her back was to him now, her curly black hair cascading down her back and tickling his arm. He couldn't help but think to remember that he had done this all before, and he felt extremely terrible in thinking it. The scene in front of him made him involuntarily remember the Dragon Queen, the one he had killed. He had felt a passion similar to meeting her, but with Andromeda, it was different. He was excited that Daenerys was beautiful, full of vigor and passion, and honestly, that she had three dragons. He didn't love her just because of her dragons, of course not. But it was excitement, and Jon had needed that in his life.

     He lay there with one arm under this queen, this other queen. In his heart, he completely knew that what he felt with Daenerys was nothing close to what he was feeling now.

This dark haired woman in his arms made him feel something that made him go wild that Ygritte had not even done. He was more than infatuated with this woman, and he felt, for lack of better terms... literally tied to the heart and soul with her. And he had known it the whole time, if he had just stopped to think about it. Whenever they spoke alone before Pandora revealed the whole thing, his heart raced. It didn't race like when he spoke to his wildling lover or Daenerys in the past, but it raced because of how much he felt like he was connected to her.

   Jon Snow realized that he was attracted to untouchable women, especially when they moved to touch him first.  And that he was probably a masochist.

   He fell in love with a woman beyond the wall when he was a member of the Night's Watch, a woman with fiery hair and personality. Even if she hadn't have died, they would have never made it. She would have never been able to stay at Castle Black, and he would've been killed for trying to keep her there. At that that time in his life, he didn't have plans to live beyond the wall for forever, but maybe, just maybe, he would've done it for Ygritte.

    After Ygritte, it was Daenerys Targaryen, a woman who had most of the seven kingdoms into siding with her and the others into hating her. She was the Targaryen woman with pale blonde hair that turned out to be his aunt, that turned out to be Westeros's nightmare after he believed her to be their savior. He had loved her in his own way, and only wanted what was best for her. But his love for her was blinded when she did what she did on that fateful day, and he did what had to be done. In reality, he knew that he could never be with her, even if he didn't kill her. She was a strong woman and he loved her, and she loved him, but he was not meant to be with her. His story was to go beyond Daenerys Targaryen, the Dragon Queen, even if he had no knowledge of it yet. But he never would have imagined that his story brought him all the way to Ilta, or to the Iron Throne. Or, what was left of it after Drogon, anyways.

     He just wished that Andromeda would come back to sit there with him. After meeting her, he couldn't go back to finding marriage in one of the ladies of the court. His heart started racing again at the thought of marriage. He was already married. They had truly done it all in one day, all of it except consummation. They had gone on a million outings and had a million conversations, so good and wholesome that they could last him a lifetime if that was all he had left with her.

He prayed that he would be able to stay another day, but he knew that it was over. He would just have to appreciate the time that she had already given him, the small blocks out of their lives, reality. He got out of the bed quietly, leaning over and kissing her forehead gently before getting out of the bed completely. He was still in yesterday's clothes, but he exited her room anyways, ignoring the sideways glances that the guards were giving him.