Angel waiting to go home .

Division

I walk into the Social worker's office , her office is always hot and the heat is making the tie around my neck even more tighter. " Morning Promise , How are you ? I haven't seen you in weeks . " 

Mrs. Ellison is the greatest woman I have ever met , she and I go to the same Church and she is more of my spiritual mother than she is of my Social worker ; I can easily open up to her because I'm familiar with her and she is really understanding of any situation I go through . She stands up and moves up to me when she sees my eyes start to water and gives me a hug , I can't help but start crying , this pain I feel inside is really killing every inch and fiber of my body, my heart and my mind ...

" It's okay , let it all out . " her words send rivers down cheeks and she tightens her hug as I begin to sob even more , " It's okay , I'm just... " words struggle to leave my mouth as tears flood them with their pain and misery, my sobs become louder and she starts rubbing her hand up and down my back " It's okay " she whispers with every stroke of movement. " Take a seat . " She finally let's go and takes a seat behind her desk . " Do you want to talk about it or do you still need a moment?" She asks while handing me a tissue box , I wipe my eyes and blow my nose before replying .

" I'm okay now , I didn't think I'd end up in your office today . " I attempt to smile . " I guess everything has been hard on me lately , and I'm struggling to cope with everything in my life . " 

" What exactly has been hard on you lately ? " she asks . Not even lately my life has genuinely never been bliss , I can't even remember a day I ever went to bed happy , I can't remember a day whereby my Demons wouldn't feed me insecurities before I close my eyes , really why do I still live ? I giggle internally .

" My best friend committed suicide , I also tried to commit suicide but failed , I'm not doing well in School , I look at my Family sometimes and feel like I'm causing them too much pain by being alive each day , I look at myself and see this miserable being stand in front of me , all I know is tears no joy ! " I begin to cry even more at the realisation of my confession , I didn't realise how much I was holding in .

" Promise , I know the death of your Best friend is really hard on you and it's okay to feel the way you feel , and you will go through some challenges and phases to go through everything you are feeling right now . Do you think your family will cope without you ? Do you think they will be happy if you commit suicide ? Your family needs you as much as you need them Promise. Why did you decide to try to take your life ? " I feel like she does try to understand these Demons that live with me , these Demons that hover my life each day but truly I fail to see what she's trying to portray . 

" It really is hard on me , Dile made life a little colourful , she made me forget about everything and she left a piece of herself in me . My family will be happy without me and I know it , I don't belong there with them I don't even fit in their picture , to be honest I really do need them in my life but I'm not sure if they need me as well . " tears are threatening my eyes and I'm trying to push them away and I fail miserably " I feel unloved in that House, on my Birthday they did absolutely nothing for me but not on the other birthdays , when I try to talk about it it's always the same thing of " you're seeking attention " tell me what more can I do because they can't understand what I feel. " 

" So this is more than the death of Dile , it's so simple to just die Promise but the real challenge is living your Life and battling your problems head on . I know this is out of context but when I was young my father would sleep with me every single night , he would get away with everything he wanted from me and my mother would not believe me everytime I would tell her about this . Even at times like that I never thought of suicide as an answer , I remember running away from home once and my mother didn't even bother looking for me , by that time I had no one to talk to about everything I was going through . Promise in life you need to know that " This too shall pass " , and truly it will all pass as soon as you start battling your demons and looking at the positive side of life , you need to create your own happiness " she says without any tears falling from her face , I can't even help the tears falling from my eyes . She stands up from her seat , takes a tissue from the tissue box and hands it to me while seating on the edge of the desk . I really Love Mrs.Ellison , she knows exactly what to say and when to say it and that's what attached me to her...