Angel waiting to go home .

Chapter 18

 " I didn't know you felt that way Promise , if I caused you that much pain then I am truly sorry . It has nothing to do with me being unfair towards you , I just want the best for you and I want you to be the best version of yourself. " My mother says with tears threatening her eyes .

" It happened along time ago Ma . " I say knowing the pain is still so vivid in my  Heart, I don't want her to beat herself about it . I can say that I forgave her for what happened that day but the pain is just impossible to forget that's all .

" I know but it's not healthy to hold onto such pain for this long without telling me about it ." 

" You're right , with time I can say I learnt how to air out my complains to you . Like the time you still took my brothers side when my Cousin refused to wash the dishes claiming they were mine and they teamed up against me but you still refused to listen to me . I told you about it and you just apologized like you're doing now , all these things I'm telling you right now are not for you to feel bad in some way , no , but for you to understand that all these Years all I ever wanted was for you to listen and understand my pain just a little bit , I wanted to be able to talk to my mother about anything , I wanted her to support me through my difficult times and most importantly I didn't just want a Mom , I wanted a mother . That's all I ever wanted Ma " I say with confidence in my voice . Uhhm confidence .

" How can I know everything that you feel when you shut me out of your life , you choose to talk to your friends about your problems and not me . How would I possibly know how you feel ? Promise , you won't find another mother on the Street out there , I am your mother and I will listen and understand everything you confide in me . " 

I Love this woman so much , I don't ever want to loose her ever , I just wish I was a better daughter towards her , she doesn't deserve to be treated the way I treat her , she deserves better than me . I really am trying to be the best I can for her but I am failing dismally , not even once has she ever judged me about my relationship with Lucky and here I am constantly complaining and never appreciating , that's the other reason why I actually want to die , I mean look at the pain I am causing this beautiful woman upon my eyes . If I would die today , I would end her pain and she wouldn't have to stand to seeing me like this , she would be happy actually they would all be happy . 

" Thank you for telling me that Ma , I needed to be reminded of that. "  

" I Love you Promise , you are My daughter and I would not carry you for nine months just so you can suffer , if I didn't want you I would've gotten rid of you but you are here today because I loved then and still love you today . " 

I nod in agreement .

" Visiting hours are over " the intercom goes off . 

" I should leave , I will see you tomorrow okay . " My mother places a kiss on my forehead and exits my ward . She bumps into Nurse Faith on her way out , they share smiles and Nurse Faith enters my ward . 

" How are you feeling Today Promise ? " Nurse Faith asks with a glowing smile , she looks like she is in her late twenties , quiet short with a large upper body , she looks like she has had a child recently . Regardless , she really is beautiful. 

" I'm okay, how about you ? " I ask returning the same gesture . 

" I'm alright , I'm on my lunch break so I thought I should come see how you are . " a smile rises from her face . 

" Thank you, but I'm just okay. " 

" You're welcome " she says politely , for a few seconds we just stare at each other in awkward silence . 

" So ...uhm... So your mother told me that you just completed your Matric . " 

" Yess I have , I finished writing my Finals like three or four weeks ago , not really sure. "