Nurse Faith returns and breaks me out of my thoughts about Lucky , me and Lucky's history runs deep like a River all up in the sky , not too deep and not too narrow but a place where Pain was taken away , where no one can ever reach , a place I once destroyed and yet still Inlove with , hence I tell stories about us . I miss my River in the sky , I miss the smooth rides in my sweet boat , my peaceful nights glazing along the sky . I miss a place I once called my refuge , Lucky !
Title : An Ocean
An Ocean Bay in the sky ,
A reflection of the clouds ,
Breathtaking imagery that fills the eye ,
A reminder of thy,
Take my heart and pass by ,
Shove it in your pocket
But like a star I shine bright
Burn the lust ,
That quiver from your lips ,
And ship away into the Ocean Bay in the sky .
By : Tshepiso Mmola
" What did you buy me " I ask . She gives me a whole plastic bag full of snacks of which she has been holding since she got here , I thought some of the food was hers , Now I really love this woman ! I mean who wouldn't appreciate good junk food ?
" Thank you so much " I jump up in excitement while grabbing the plastic . I take out the slab of chocolate to start eating it first then give her the plastic bag so that she can put it in my locker , I don't know if I should call it a locker or wardrobe but it's a place whereby I put all my changing clothes and cosmetics. I open the slab of chocolate and begin to devour it without any mercy .
" Were you that hungry or were you just craving a chocolate that much ? " she asks in amusement
" I haven't had one in over a month now so please don't judge me . " I say almost finishing it .
" Please calm down, it won't run away my baby " she laughs
" No , I can't help myself "
" I can see that . So tell me here , what happened to the man in the ' white Nissan ' you never got into detail with him " she asks
" I'm still coming to that but long story short he was obsessed with me . I cringe everytime I think of that old man " I say
" I have a feeling everything is going from good to great , I want to know more " she says , by now I'm finished eating my chocolate .
" You have no idea , let's take ride down memory lane . Buckle up baby " I say and we both laugh
" So ... "
....
The rest of the week went along quickly, nothing interesting was happening . When Friday afterschool came along , Lucky couldn't walk me home this time around because he said his father needed him urgently and he couldn't wait around so immediately afterschool he head home . So I walk alone with my mind blank or you could say I'm overthinking because my mind is not on the road home , I've grown so used to this route that I don't need to look at where I'm heading . I moved to Pretoria West in 2012 , I was 12 of course and before that I lived in Pretoria CBD from when I was 6 until I turned 12 , and before that I lived in Limpopo with my aunts whilst my parents were completing their studies here in Pretoria . They left for Pretoria when I was 5 and my brother was 8 and my Mom came back to fetch us a year later , my little sister was not born at that time . When I was still living with my Aunts from my mothers side , I hated every single moment of it , they loved my brother morethan me , they treated me awfully honestly , they used to beat me for simply crying , I remember one time when my mother had come to visit us and she left when I was still sleeping because she knew I would cry when she leaves . I woke up and called out for her , I rounded the whole house and I didn't find her , I asked my Aunt and her child , my cousin was 12 at the time , where my mother was and they blankly said she left and continued along with their conversation , I didn't want to cry in front of them because I knew I'd get beat up so I went back into the house and I layed on my bed and cried so hard that day , I tried not to make a noise and that was my first lesson on how to crying softly .
I remember taking out my mothers shirt and sniffing it to hold onto something , her scent was so soft and safe , I missed her so much already . I wish they hadn't left me there , my childhood was so great before they left to Pretoria , I was never shown love , I was beaten up at every given opportunity , maybe that's why I'm so messed up to this age , the pain still lingers in my heart like it was yesterday . I remember my Aunt decided to send my away to my other aunt because I was a cry baby she said , I mean I was along FIVE YEARS OLD !! She decided my brother should stay there with them while I left , it was so much fun there , my Aunt loved me so much and loved to have me there , it was fun for a short while though . I remember my Aunts Daughter in Law hating me with all she had , at that time , I spent most of my time with my other cousin , she was 8 at the time , and This daughter in law loved my cousin morethan I , I didn't mind much because I had my cousin there with me . I feel as if that woman's task was to just suck my joy because I remember one night , my cousin wet the bed and when we woke up , I was also wet from her urine , she told me to take off my pants and she beat me with a belt till my lower body was swollen , she blamed me for my cousin wetting the bed , I cried to God , I cried for my mother but I was all alone , I knew then that no one could ever rescue me . That's when Iearned that I was not good enough , I learned that no one can ever choose me . It hurts me to this day , it's such a painful memory , the pain is so fresh to me and I try to let to of it but I can't because all those painful memories made me the person I am today , this fucked up person that is so obsessed with dying . This is such a painful memory to recall , I shed some tears thinking about all those days , I wish my parents hadn't left me there, I wish someone anyone could understand my pain atleast maybe I wouldn't carry this load alone . I quickly wipe my falling tears but they can't stop falling of course and I can't control them
As I am walking along, the man with the White Nissan parks right in front of me and gets out of his car , I nearly laugh just by looking at his appearance. He is quite chubby , a little short and light in complexion , he looks like he is at his late 40's .He has quite this weird expressions on his face , he's not scary but rather creepy , he's looking at me with clear lust in his eyes and need on his lips .
" Can I help you ? " I ask still trying to wipe some of my tears
" Are you okay ? I saw you crying ? You're always crying whenever I see you " he says , his creepiness is something I fail to describe , it's just off .
" No , I'm fine . Bye " I walk away and he follows after me
" Please leave me alone " I say in annoyance
" Okay , what do you want? I can give you money , let me pay for your Matric dance , or is it food you want ?" He says , At this moment I am utterly disgusted
" Hebanna ! Ong tlwela masepa jerrr !! " I say with clear anger and walk even faster
" Let me take care of you please , I don't want anything in return , just your time , nothing more. " he says and I ignore him , my silence throws him off and he goes back to his car . He annoyed the shit out of me " Mxm " I remark angrily . I am honestly tired of men looking at me with nothing but lust , I hate it so much , it makes me feel even more insecure about myself and not only that but it really messes me up emotionally . Most men literally rape you with their eyes , it's not a nice feeling to be hawked on like that at all , at all
I get home and I'm greeted by the smell of my mothers cooking from the door , I quickly change out of my uniform and dish up for myself
" Dumelang " I greet , as always my mother is eating her food while sitting in the dining room with her phone in her hand .
" Hello . How was your day ? " she asks
" it was okay " I reply
" When are you starting to write ? "
" In 3 weeks time " I reply , slowly trying to get out of this conversation
" Are you studying " I slowly walk away , her back is faced against the door so she can't see me
" Yes I am " I answer quickly walking out of the kitchen .
I sit in the living room and enjoy my food . Jasmine is not here today , she's most likely hung onto her books , my little sister is highly intelligent . She's a straight A student and she's also a great artist , I am beyond proud of her honestly . She's everything I've always wanted to be but could never .
YOU ARE READING
Angel waiting to go home .
Tajemnica / ThrillerAfter my best friend is molested and later commits suicide in the hands of my crush , I seek closure in the worst way possible by tagging along many worthless souls through my rollercoaster through Hell which leads to many of my mental complications.
