Angel waiting to go home .

Misery Shines Upon The Eye

I gaze upon this person I once called the love of my life and I see nothing but a pure waste , I gaze upon him and bitterness fills me up . This is not the man I fell inlove with ,this is the Devil himself and I let him dwell in me for this long .
" Wake up Lucky ! " I shake him vigirously and he opens he's eyes ,they are red from sleepiness

" What do you want Promise ?" he looks at me with an annoyed expression .

" Take me home, I want to go home immediately !" I say wanting to shout but suppressing my voice

" Babe we'll leave soon, just sleep please " he says in his sleepy voice.

" Lucky! " I kick in him angirly on the side of his stomach, I'm annoyed, angry, in great pain, my spirit is utterly crush, I just want to be in my bed and away from here.

He wakes up in shock as to what had just happened , " Baby! Please stop what you're doing. Come lay on my chest and doze off with me" he says in such a calm voice. I get off the bed and start dressing up, I grab my chocolate, search for the keys in his pocket then walk out angrily out his room.

" Promise! What the fuck are you doing?" he quickly jumps off the bed and pulls me back to his bedroom " My dad is home, are you crazy? " he grabs the keys out my hands and looks at me with some annoyed expression.

" I want to leave Lucky and I want to leave now, take me home! " I say with tears running down my face.

" Fine, but you don't deserve the luxury of being driven home. We are walking, you fucken lazy Ass!" he says while putting on his clothes and more tears flow down my face, I try to hold them back but fail dismally, they wash over my face disturbing my normal breathing.

" Luxury? You mean that dried up old thing? Fuck off Lucky. Just open up for me and I'll walk home myself, I won't force you to actually be considerant for once" my voice cracks all throughout and I try by all means to compose myself.

" There is literally no need for insults Promise, mxm dried up old thing you say? I fucked you in that thing so you don't even have the mere dignity to insult me like that ." he snaps back at me, his words kill a part of me but I understand, he loves Dile not me. " Take me home Lucky, that's all I ask " I say in my most humble tone trying by all means to hold back my tears.

" Stop crying Promise, please " he sounds sincere. He moves closer to me trying to comfort me but I push him off with so much disgust.
He surrenders signaling with his hands and he leads us out of house, and indeed we walk, I'm utterly shocked, I actually thought he was playing or something.

" Promise, what's wrong? I don't understand you at times, you can be so annoying" he says and I ignore him.

" Fine, atleast tell me what I did wrong?" what you did wrong? I could write a book, books rather, I was a fool to let this boy dwell in my life . I do not desire him even for one bit anymore, I pray he enjoys the little part of me he took. I think to myself.

" Are you going to ignore me? PROMISE!" he yells and unsettles me immediately. I still keep quiet and continue walking.

" You're going to ignore me huh?" he stops upon his tracks and turns back to the direction of his home

" Walk yourself home, you unflavored Ass! " he spits yet another insult which leaves me in tears. I watch him walk back home and I also walk back home, tears fill my face, I cry out freely with no one in sight to hear me

I wish I could get kidnapped, so I can be taken far far away from this life, away from everyone. I'm just tired and I desire rest, only rest, my heart is heavy and my mind is without peace, my soul is troubled and my body is shamed. So yes, I'm extremely tired and I want rest.

I walk at an extremely slow pace, a 20 minute walk from Lucky's house to my house takes about an hour this time around . Along the way I break down in tears, trying to ease the void in my heart. Psychologists claim that crying eases the heaviness in your heart , they say it's a way to let out all your pain. I see they have never felt my pain , nor have they ever seen it, every night I sleep with Demons, they've made a home in me and I have welcomed them, they keep me company and tell me all about their misery and how they can never see light, sometimes we take a walk through Hell so I can feel how it is to burn like they do all the time, they say I am cold, I ease the extreme burns they always endure in Hell.
I feel sorry for them at times, there are 3 that I am quite close to, namely, Depression, Insomnia and Anxiety.

Depression has brought many of its friends, it tells me how lonely it gets when it is all alone so it brought, sadness, anger, insecurities, self doubt and self hatred, I'm sure there are many more but I only know of these

Insomnia is the worst one really but I feel for it, it tells me that it never sleeps, at times it wishes to bring rest because it doesn't rest so it cannot, I'm close to it because it's sensitive and always fills me with all I want to hear, like how I'm a loser and how I'll never be anything in this life, how everyone around me is just bullshit, it tells me I'm beautiful in my misery and I always believe it.

Then there is Anxiety , this one always catches me off guard like killing my self confidence all of a sudden or making me overthink on things that have passed, or giving me panic attacks when I'm asked to speak. And mostly, battling with my sharks as I try to float upon my Ocean of thoughts...

... Back at the Hospital...

" Promise just stop!" Nurse Faith snaps in annoyance

" Just stop it!" she raises her hand to signal me to stop

" But I'm merely..." I try to explain myself

" No more, just shut up, shut up!" she gets up from her seat

" I can't stand you, you're annoying me now, and bringing my mood down , for once dear child just once, just take your happiness as a priority, for once just learn to love yourself and stop beating yourself up, you are your worst enemy, you are what made you what you are now, you are the one that killed yourself day in and day out, only you, you are toxic and it burns you everytime because you are a burning house slowly dying in misery. Fix your life, I'm leaving now. Bye. " and just like that she picked her hand bag and left me just like that.

Her words fill my eyes with heavy tears, fighting to run down my face, they push to fall down first , others remain and giving life to more. I lay on my side because the tears were tickling my ears when I faced up and I eventually fall asleep in that position.
I'm woken up by a phone call, I don't know the number.

" Hello" I say in a sleepy voice.

" Hi Promise, it's..." I notice the voice immediately and my body freezes.

" I know you do not want to hear from me but I'm really worried about you, I hear you are in Hospital. I'm really sorry For all I have done, forgive me" Lucky says and I burst into tears immediately, I am utterly hurt at this moment.

" You used me Lu... Lucky, you broke ever... Everything in me, what more D.. Do you want?" I whisper with my voice breaking from all the crying

" Promise, I..." he tries to explain

" Fuck you, you rapist! " I shout crying.

" Promise, I'm sorry, believe me, I really am... " I continue crying, I cry because I miss him as much as I hate him, I despite him but I remember all the good he was and then I remember all the bad. I hate him, I hate him morethan I hate myself, but I love him as much as I love death. Both are destructive but that's what Lucky is, he is destructive. He is death and I, inlove with one another yet one dies and another lives , he is the Devil himself...

" Promise? Did you hear me?" he says breaking my thoughts.

" I care for you Promise, I was an Ass for all I did to you, you didn't deserve it, I hope you find peace" he adds

" I love you Lucky, though you do not and goodbye" I say and drop the call. He calls again and Ignore his calls.

I lay there in tears, trying to forget all about Lucky.