Angel waiting to go home .

Control

He said ... My mother rudely interrupted , and said " Ngwana waka , there is no such thing as , your first Love will be perfect , perfection lives only in our minds , an illusion created to hide our imperfections . " Yess Mma , I answered ... As I was saying ,  he said " Poi you should get in there too , I hear she is very easy " he winked at him and giggled as he walked away  . I was soo shocked, I just laid on my eyes and started crying till the period ended . After School approached And I walked home alone with tears in my eyes , my Life couldn't get any worse.  Loosing my Best friend and virginity in the hands of Lucky , stupid me . Before I could arrive , a man in a white Nissan stopped and greeted me , I noticed that he looked a bit familiar and I therefore quickly wiped my tears and greeted him back ...

" How are you ? Why are you crying ? Come in , I'll take you home . " 

My tears went dry instantly , I wiped my cheeks  and told him I'm fine . I walked away and he drove slowly besides me , " Can I get your numbers ? " , he asked , " I just want to be your friend " , he added . " Don't you have a wife and kids to attend ? " , I said rudely . He looked at me with an embarrassed yet heartbroken look , he thereafter said " You are morethan welcome to be my wife , look I just want to be your friend, I can buy you anything you want plus your Matric dance is coming up soon, I can help you with that as well . How much do you need , just tell me . " 

I looked away in disgust , I knew deep down that I wasn't that type of girl and murmured " Happiness is something you could never afford " . I ttherefore walked away and he also drove away 

I got home and found my mother sitting in the kitchen eating the food she had just prepared  " Thobela " , I greeted while pouring a glass of water " Agee ! " she greeted back . " I received another Sms from your School and they said you were late for School and you didn't bring your textbook . Promise when are you going to be serious about your School work ? This is your future and you are playing with with it " she shouted . 

" What happened to how was your day ? I woke up late plus I forgot my Textbook here " I said angrily . " Mxm " she remarked annoyingly. I went to my room and recalled the horrible day I had , I burst into tears and eventually fell asleep . I really hated sleeping during the day because I'd wake up sad for no reason , dark thoughts would hover my mind and I couldn't control them . I woke up and started crying , not only about Lucky but about my School work and how I was unable to cope , how my parents were constantly exerting pressure on me , how I lost my only best friend , and how I just hated my Life right now . I wiped my tears and quickly ran to the Kitchen to look for some pills to overdose on , I found them , poured a glass of water and ran back to my room . I opened the sachet and took a number of pills into my hand , I cried my eyes out and said , " Your Angel is finally coming coming home , Amen " I felt as if I had tainted God's name by simply resigning before He gave me my pension.  I drank the pills and laid on my bed , minutes passed and I felt nothing , hours passed and still nothing . Fountains fell down my face , tears coming from my stomach to my eyes , my eyes red in blood from unknown tears . " Why won't I just die ? Why do I have to suffer ? Why do I always have to feel this pain ? " , I screamed internally with a Marathon of tears running down my face . 

I eventually gave up and my eyes were dry , I got out of bed , washed my face and thereafter  dished up some food to eat and went to the living room  , my parent and my siblings were watching their daily Sophie . I was the second born in my family ,the  first was my older brother  ( Karabo ) and the youngest of us all was my sister ( Jasmine) I had another sister ( Tshiamo ) but she was not my mothers child and we only shared  a father , her mother died when she was  17 so she was a part of our family now .