Angel waiting to go home .

Chapter 27

( Hello my Lovies, when reading this Chapter please listen to Lewis Capaldi - Someone you loved. )

Lucky is nothing but a lying , manipulative piece of shit , a piece of shit that I still can't get over , even after the pain he caused me I still think about that idiot . " Mxm " I remark , he doesn't deserve me , he never did ! Thinking of Lucky really angers me !

I finally fell asleep as angry as I've ever been ... I wake up to eat my Breakfast then I take a bath after I'm done eating , I start listening to music and the first song that plays is Love in the brain by Rihanna , oh this song reminds me of Lucky so very much , I remember the day I first fell in Love with this song , this other girl performed it at the Quad in the morning , I was late for School that day and so I watched from outside the Quad , her voice brought me into tears and after she was done singing pupils were immediately dismissed to their first period , I walked away before my class was dismissed and as I was walking to class I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face , I saw Lucky walking with his friend not far from me and I just stared at him , he looked at me as well and I wiped my tears and walked faster to my Consumer studies class and that was when I said my final farewell to my feelings for him . I buried them in grave where no light shines and no flowers bloom then spat on it , I sometimes visit that grave and water it hoping that a little seedling blooms , or to remind myself of what was once .

I receive a call from my mother at around 10AM , " Hello ma " I greet

" Hello , How are you ? " she greets back

" I'm good , and you?"

" I'm also good . How did you sleep ?" She asks

" I slept well " I lie

" Okay good , I won't be coming to see you today but Nurse Faith will come see you neh . "

" Okay , will you come tomorrow ?" I ask in Heartbreak .

" Yes I will "

" Okay , it's fine I'll see you tomorrow "

" Okay bye , I love you "

"0 I love you too Ma "

I can't help but cry when I hear this , I cry so softly so that nobody hears me . This is a skill I learned at Depression boot camp , the rules are extremely strict ...

1. Everynight sleep with a towel on your pillow so you do not wet your pillow case with tears and to use for wiping your tears , rotate this towel every time the spot of which your head this placed gets wet .

2. Cry softly so that no one hears you , cry till you feel your abdominals tightening and your toes curling . You can also cry during baths or showers , No one will ever catch you .

3. Smile and laugh with everyone always .

4. Prepare for sleepless nights with the following: your earphones , your phone , your laptop or a notebook for those who write and don't forget to pack your towel to wipe your tears ( a tissue won't help because you might end up using the roll or the whole tissue box. )

5. Suicide is your best friend ! Your homegirl/homeboy

6. Lastly, this rule is very important . Never ever , ever , ever , EVER talk about how you feel !

I graduated top of my class and aced all my modules , although now I'm failing my last module , my mother deserves to know what triggered my suicide attempt , I can't keep hurting her like this . This is my third attempt , I guess third time was the charm and I can say , I was so close to hitting my jackpot which is of course Death , when I passed out I was definitely sure that I was about to die but was disappointed when I woke up .