You are my life

Alex's prologue

(Alex's POV)

I have always known how to fuck up the good things in my life. I am the master of handling things completely wrong after all. The image I had in my head of my dad got ruined when I found him, my relationship with my mom got hard when I began keeping secrets from her about my job, becoming a workaholic and putting Piper on the back-burner and oh God, Piper.

It was the next morning in Litchfield Max and I was about to be shipped off to the Max facility in Columbus, Ohio, because of my stupid, jealous, insecure thoughts of Piper and her little new friend, Zelda.

Look, I'm all for my wife making new friends, I don't want her lonely out there in the real world while I'm stuck in here for 3 more goddamn years but when it's so obvious that that 'friend' wants a piece of the one I love, let alone how the one I love has feelings for her in return, a girl can't help feeling a little jealous and yes, insecure.
The thing is, I may be Alex Vause, the girl who's used to having girls falling at her feet, but I have always been insecure and yes, I have abandonment issues no thanks to my father but more so previous mishaps with Piper. I think it started in high school when Jessica Wedge and her crew tortured me, then in later life when my now ex-girlfriend Sylvie kept cancelling on me and the dinner plans I kept making for us. I was just so unhappy. Then I met Piper and oh how my world turned upside down. We were happy for 2 whole years until I fucked it up and she left me, when I needed her most might I add. And so I begin to associate her with abandonment.
Fast forward 8 years later and we meet again. In prison. Me still deeply in love with her, the heart grows fonder in absence and all that. I once again fucked us up by naming her then to make things worse, I lied to her about it rather than come clean. Because of that, she picks her dorky fiancé over me, leaving me more insecure that I will never be able to make her happy. Couple months later, I fuck us up yet again by asking her to lie to keep her safe then I go about face and tell the truth. In my defence I thought that's what she was going to do too then we could've had a life together. But no. Instead, she gets revenge on me, lands me back in prison, we have A LOT of hate sex turned love sex, Kubra sends Aydin to kill me, she thinks I'm crazy and cheats on me. I then grow even more insecure and convinced Piper the love of my life Chapman will never stay. You see, I have mastered the art of putting up a wall to protect myself from getting hurt by the people I love, ahem, Piper.

So that brings us up to today, Piper proposed, I said yes, we got (prison) married and I was floating on air. That was until Pipes got early release leaving me here. I know it was out of her control but again, abandonment.
I also didn't want to worry her about Hellman and I could tell she needed a little sex to get some sort of relief. I mean when we weren't fighting, no, even when we were fighting, Pipes and I went at it like rabbits so I couldn't blame her because to be honest, I was a little horny myself. I guess at the time you could say I was just looking after my woman. Enter Nicky showing me a sexy picture of none other than CO fucking McCullough. Let's be clear, the only girl I have and will ever have feelings for is Pipes, it's just, I too needed some sexual relief. Protection from Hellman was a bonus.

One of the reasons Kubra valued me so much was my ability to spot a girl who could be easily manipulated. McCullough's naivety reminded me of Pipes back in the day when she came to me with scrounged meds after forcing me to deal for her. This naivety intrigued me. It let me know I could have a CO in my pocket and that I could reclaim the power I once had that I missed dearly through my manipulation of her. Especially one that was so clearly lonely, vulnerable and in need of love. I guess, with Piper being gone, like me. With this talent, I can also spot when a girl is interested. McCullough was about as obvious as a neon sign in Times Square, so, in the process of forcing me to sell phone chargers for her, missing Piper like hell, convinced she'd leave me again anyway, protecting myself from Hellman and me being slightly attracted to McCullough's tats, we kiss. I immediately feel bad though. I'm married and in love with the woman I married. But Pipes and I agreed to an open relationship to get our relief. I'd already told Piper I didn't want to know the details of someone else touching my woman and making her feel good but she told me anyway. I was now jealous nevermind insecure and my God if she was going to get sexual relief, so the fuck was I.