You are my life

Visitation

(Piper's POV)

With Alex grinning like a Cheshire Cat and holding my hands in a death grip, I begin.

"Well, when you broke up with me, sorry, 'let me go', I found myself wandering the streets of New York with nowhere to go and no one to go to. You didn't want me anymore, Zelda had left for Northampton, after admittedly inviting me to go with her."
Before I could continue, I noticed Alex's nostrils slightly flare and her grip on my hands tightening.
"Cal and Neri were too focused on their baby and my parents weren't helpful. I was so desperate for advice I ended up at Polly and Larry's house."
Alex's mouth opened to say something but I stopped her.

"Before you say anything, Polly wasn't home, which to be honest was a relief and Larry actually gave me some pretty good advice. Through my pathetic sobbing, Larry and I talked about what our life together could've been had you not thrown me in prison. He told me that we couldn't have worked because I've always wanted to be with you and he's right. I have always wanted to be with you.
He told me all about how he'd been to two therapists since we reunited at Litchfield and from that gathered this theory about you and me and my life. I admitted that what he'd constructed was an old version of me, the one that you also know.
Let's be clear, he still doesn't like you, he was pushing for me to be with Zelda and that you letting me go was nice of you. He listed all the things that were good about Zelda and came to the conclusion that despite all that, all I can think about is you. I made it clear that that's because I love you so he told me to go and do what the new Piper would do. Al, I was so lost without you. You're the one thing that makes sense. So the 'new Piper' told Zelda and everyone else, no, I love Alex and that's what I've been trying to show you Al! The new Piper doesn't run, the new Piper follows and both Pipers love the fuck out of you! You know, Flaca and Maritza once asked me to describe love and I told them it was like coming home after a long trip, and shit, I was right about that. You're my home babe and the shit that we've been through and me moving to Ohio for you was our long trip. NOW do you see how much I love you and how you really do NOT need to be afraid? You're my person Alex!" I cry in an outburst, almost losing my breath in the process.

Alex just looks at me with an open mouth like a fish out of water which gets me worried and I can't hold back my sobs.
"I know it was presumptuous to move here and maybe stupid, I mean, my God, if you wanted us to work you wouldn't have cheated and then you left me and told me to let you go but I had to try, I'm miserable without you and I really fucking love you."
I sob. I couldn't help it. I was still hurting from what Alex did so I look down to hide my face from her and the other people beginning to stare.

Alex squeezes my hands even harder and tenderly whispers,
"Pipes."
It makes me look up at her through glassy eyes. She too had tears ready to spill but her beaming smile told me they weren't bad tears.
"First of all, you're my person too. If we aren't tied together by the Red Thread of Fate then I don't know who is. I love you a fuck tonne so don't even let the thought that I don't want us to work cross your mind again. Ever. I've been a miserable bitch without you too. Second of all, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am about McCullough."

She looks down and takes a deep breath before looking back at me and continuing.

"I had you and I mean really had you, then once again, I fucked up the best thing that has ever happened to me. I've told you about my Dad before Pipes. I have abandonment issues and he's the catalyst for it. Ever since Paris and our mishaps since then, as much as I love you, I've lumped you into the same category, in fact, blamed you solely, and now you're here, I know I don't have to anymore. She was just a human shield in case your love for me ever faded. If you had left me, especially after us sorta tying the knot, I'd be a broken shell of myself but less so with someone there to cushion the blow. Plus, her replacing Hellman as my blackmailer was a definite bonus, easier to manipulate. I was protecting myself. Period."