You are my life

Case won. Trust lost.

(Piper's POV)

Getting out of the cab, I dry my eyes as I walk back into my hotel.
Alex clearly wanted to be with me after lifting me, swinging me around and kissing me like that. I was happy she was out and that I'd freed her but I want and need to settle our issues completely before I even think of getting closer to her in that way again.
Thanks to McCullough's vivid descriptions, I now had an image in my head that not only made me sick but I couldn't shake it no matter how hard I tried.

Getting to reception I ask,
"Hi, my name is Piper Vause-Chapman, I'm staying in the Empire view suite. If anyone is looking for me could you tell them that Mrs-Vause Chapman isn't up for any guests?"
I had Alex in mind when I asked this.
I really did not want to see her right now.
The receptionist nods,
"Of course ma'am. Are you ok?"
I nod and dismiss my prior crying,
"Oh, I'm fine. It's just been a long day." I tell her and take the elevator up to my suite.

My firm was paying for this hotel since the case I'd just won was a big one.
I mean, I took on the prison system and won.
My boss had promised me that if I won this case, I'd no longer be an associate and that I'd earn the promotion to junior partner.
I should be happy.
I should be out celebrating.
But instead, I was in my hotel room, scouring the room service menu for the most expensive bottle of wine, once again crying and drowning my sorrows over Alex.

Room service called and wine ordered, I thought I should call my boss and tell her I'd won.
At least I was up for promotion now at least.
Before I could, the wine arrived with a knock on the door.
"Finally." I mutter.
It wasn't actually that long a wait but after the day I've had, a drink couldn't come soon enough.

I opened the door, expecting a waiter to be standing in the threshold but was instead greeted with Alex holding my wine up like a peace offering.
"We drank this on our first date. Good choice Pipes." She nervously blurts out.
I snatch the wine from her.
"Yeah well, it's not for you." I snap, leaving the door open and her outside it, not bothering to invite her in.
Not wanting to.
"Go fuck yourself Alex." I hiss.
"Come fuck me yourself you coward." She quips with a nervous smirk.
That was definitely a dangerous thing to say to me.
Especially now.
So I whip around at lightening speed, glaring a hole into her head, glancing at the flower pot sitting on the coffee table in the living area of my open plan suite, considering throwing it at her.
She follows my line of vision then looks back at me.
"Is it safe for me to come in or are you going to throw things at me like you said?" She cautiously asks.
I sigh as I go to the kitchen area of my suite and grab a glass and pour the wine into it until it's brimming. Not even looking at her I say,
"Lucky for you I don't exactly want to break anything that belongs to the hotel my firm is paying for."
I then gulp the wine down, preparing myself for our first battle of many.
At this point, Alex had come in and closed the door behind her.
"Woah Pipes! Slow down!" She gasps.
"Why? You afraid it's going to leave too? It's fine Alex, I'll just get you a replacement." I jibe at her.
It was petty.
I know.
But fuck petty, I was hurting.
Alex sighs.
"Look Piper, I'm sorry, if you'd just let me-" she starts but I interrupt her.
"Really Alex? Shower sex? I thought you hated that? Or do you just hate it with me?" I ask her, trying and failing to mask the hurt in my voice.
Alex reaches for my hand but I swipe it quickly away from her.
"What kind of a question is that? Of course I love it with you! I love all kinds of sex with you! Even shower sex!" She says indignantly.
"Oh don't you get indignant with me! You have no right! Not anymore!" I yell.
"Look Piper. That night, I called you and you didn't pick up, so out of curiosity and resurfacing jealousy, I googled Zelda and saw you all over her Instagram story. In my mind, it was a good way to get back at you for fucking Zelda. I've told you bef-"
"I wasn't fucking Zelda!" I interrupt her again. Still indignantly yelling at her.
"Will you let me finish?! I've told you before that shower sex was never really my thing. I tolerate it with you because I fucking love you! I pretty much hated it with McCullough because it's one thing to do it with the person you love but with someone you have zero feelings for, it's just, no. I thought you were fucking Zelda the entire time since you told me about her-" She begins to explain.
"I wasn't." I snap.
"Jesus Piper would you let me fucking finish?!" She snaps back and continues,
"Then when I saw her Instagram, I again thought the worst. I thought you were leaving me for her babe. She made it pretty damn convincing that you two were a thing. Do you have any idea how unbearable prison was without you?! Then to see you happily in the arms of another woman?! Huh?! Being passed from CO to CO, hiding from one only to be passed to another-" Alex explains.
"Oh poor you. I bet all the sex made it better." I snap, cutting her off.
"You had a lot of sex with randos first if I remember correctly!"
"Suggested by you!"
She sighs then speaks again.
"I was trying to protect myself from Hellman Piper! And from you! McCullough was there for me then she was talking about leaving Litchfield because of her PTSD over the riot. I felt bad for her. She was burning herself with cigarettes!-"
"Oh well I'm sorry I'm such a monster. You know what? Maybe you should go running to your traumatised princess if I'm that bad." I growl tearfully.
"Oh come on Piper! I needed her to stay to keep Hellman at bay and my heart safe from you."
"And your sexual appetite fed?" I snap as a tear falls quickly from my eye.
I sigh and continue,
"You know, in all the years that I've known you and in all the fucked up things you have done to me, when I found out about you and her and about what you'd done, it was the first time that I ever wanted to intentionally hurt you because I worked out pretty quickly that you were jealous of Zelda. I should've known though, considering how we started." I tell her.
She just looks at the ground before looking up at me again with glassy eyes,
"I'm so sorry Piper. No one has and no one will ever compare to you. Especially in bed. That tends to happen when someone stands against you, it has never worked and nor will it ever. It was all just self preservation. Period. I love you." She apologises.

I'd heard enough.
I needed some space.
I got up and grabbed my coat.
"Where're you going?" She asks me.
"Zelda's. After what I heard today, after knowing that you initiated the sex, I can't even look at you right now. To be honest, I don't even know if we can continue." I state.
"What?! What does that mean?! Pipes, please!" She pleads, shocked and clearly jealous.
"You heard. Enjoy the wine Alex." I say and shut the door behind me.
As I shut the door I heard Alex call, "Piper!" after me but I was already out the door.

X

As soon as Zelda opened the door, I zoomed passed her, already in a rant.
"Alex fucking Vause is going to be the death of me! I love her so fucking much but FUCK! After what I heard in court today, I just can't even LOOK at her right now!" I rant.
Zelda didn't look in the slightest bit phased as she stood and listened to me in her black silk robe.
"I know. What you heard and what was revealed in court today must've been hard for you. You told me what Alex did when you stayed the night but I didn't realise it was quite so extensively bad." Zelda says.
"Wait, you were there today?" I ask her. I hadn't noticed her come in.
"Yeah, I heard you were back in town so I came to support you. Alex saw me. She didn't look happy to see me at all." She confesses.
"Well I'm grateful for the support. At least someone has faith in me." I thank her.
She smiles sympathetically at me and rubs my back soothingly.
"I was just about to open some wine, would you like a glass?" She asks.
"PLEASE." I say almost desperately.
She chuckles,
"Okay. You get comfy on the couch, I'll go pour us a glass each and you can vent."
"Thank you Zelda. Really. Thank you so much." I smile gratefully at her.

She came back with two full glasses of red wine and sat next to me at the opposite end of the couch, curling up.
"Okay. First of all, let me just say how sorry I am. I went through something similar with my ex wife and I know how painful it is." Zelda starts.
I sigh,
"I have to admit that I'm no saint either. I've cheated on her before but she's meant to be my Alex. My big bad ex drug dealer who's only soft with me. Up until now, she's always been faithful to me even with her insecurities and in her old job she constantly had her mules drooling over her but she only had eyes for me."
I got that out with a barely contained sob so Zelda soothingly rubs my thigh in reassurance.
"I get that you love her Piper. Believe me, that's obvious. But you deserve someone who won't continue to treat you this way." She tells me.
I freeze.
This was exactly what McCullough was trying to do with Alex.
"Woah, woah, woah! I don't deserve better than Alex. Yes, okay, what Alex did has hurt me deeply but I've also hurt her in ways you don't know about. Alex and I? We're soulmates. No matter how much we continue to hurt each other, the love is still very much there. That's why when we do something to the other, it hurts so much. Because of the amount of care there. Alex had complicated reasons for doing what she did and as much as they hurt, I understand them." I begin in defence of Alex. That seems to be the theme for today. I continue in a softer tone to lighten the mood,
"Although I'll warn you now, if Alex ever hears you say that, you'll be in trouble." I laugh. It was a serious warning though.
Zelda nervously laughs, "Of course. She's an ex drug dealer who's been to prison. She probably knows a million and one ways to kill me."
Just as she says that, there's thundering knocking on the door.
I immediately knew who it was.
Until now, I'd forgotten about Alex's little tracker that she'd installed onto my phone 10 years ago. Since she was a high ranking drug dealer, her job was highly dangerous so she put a tracker on my phone so she'd know where I was at all times. A 'safety precaution' in her words. It wasn't meant to be creepy, she just wanted to keep me safe.
Now however, she was using it in a possessive way.

"I think I can guess who that is." Zelda says, breaking me from my thoughts.
My eyebrows shoot up as I tell her,
"She probably tracked my phone. She's pretty protective and recently a little possessive of me and jealous of you so, just a heads up."
Zelda nervously bites her lip. "Wait, does she know that we..?" She trails off.
I nod,
"She knows."
Her face flashes with apprehension, "Oh boy well this should be fun." She says as she goes to open the door for Alex.
"It's ok, she literally has no leg to stand on." I call after her.