playlist ; im changkyun

19

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You know the feeling of being alone in this world even when you're surrounded by nice people but you just can't help but feel like you're helpless, worthless, and everyone hates you?

Jiyeon was alone in her room that night. After a warm and nice dinner with Jimin, she decided to rest and let Jimin rest too since he prepared for their dinner quite early. He must be tired from his work and making dinner today.

She was thinking,

'How nice it would be if Changkyun eventually come back but with a better version of him? I wanted to tell a lot of things to him. I wanna tell him how hard it was to work in a new place. Eventhough everyone is nice, I feel like my works are not satisfying enough.

How hard it was everyday since then. How bad my day was. I want a boyfriend like him, again.

I know Jimin is nice but I feel like a burden if I tell him all of those. He's struggling too.

Remembering those times when Changkyun would pat my back, and let me listen to his songs just to let me sleep on his chest in a garden at the nearest river park.

I'm alone, Changkyun. I cried everyday waiting for you. Why'd you become like this?

My depressed self came back, Kyun. I don't want to face these moments alone. I need you, Kyun. I really need a shoulder to cry on.'

You cried, listening to your sad songs that you made with him. You would never delete them from your folder because you thought, that's the only memories you can hold onto. He was gone from your sight and only his voice that remains.

Watching him from afar hurts a lot. There's nothing you can do than crying, while reminiscing your memories with him. Although sometimes, you find them blurry, you wanted to remember him. You needed him before and right now, it's still the same.

His pats, his soothing deep voice, his wise words, his way of making you feel better, his smile. And just like that,

You cry again because even how hard it was to meet him again, you missed him.

You wanted to hug him. You wanted to cry on his shoulder. You wanted to be with him. You wanted to go grab a meal with him. You wanted to do everything you guys should have done from 3 years ago.

"Just for now, let me cry one more time because I miss you again. Let me cry my chest out because I can't stand meeting you but never get to ask you how have you been, and ended up saying mean words to you. I missed you, Kyun. Even we got to meet each other again now, I'm still alone, and I still need you here with me."

And just like that, Jiyeon place his legs in her arms and put her face between them so that Jimin wouldn't hear her crying.

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