Continued Silence

One

To Rohama and her support, and of course, to all those who may be having a hard time.

..............

14th May , 2018

Whatever had happened so far, I still remember her flawless smile.

The kind of smile that felt like warm sunshine on a cold February morning. The kind of smile that melted your heart like a Sunday coffee.
The smile, that was more than just a smile.

I woke up as the warm sunrays striked my tired face. Even though it was mid of May, the weather was still moderate. I remembered back home, in Florida, the sun was always blazing mercilessly. It used to be plenty hot there, certainly humid too. Hot enough that sweat dripped from your forehead into your eyes. However,in Amsterdam, I would love to go outside in such a welcoming weather.

I scooted out of my warm bed and opened my only window to breathe fresh lively air. The incredibly fascinating mockingbirds were busy in their old melodies. I stared out for an infinite forever until some terrible thoughts came in my mind. The kind of thoughts that ached deeply like a scar :
What if I didn't find her? Or even if I did, what would happen then?
After all those years, would she still be the same? And would I smell her tulips scent again?
Those thoughts were terrifying me since I left my hometown, but I still had a hope. A tiny little feather, flowing through the wind, all alone.

I put on my green button-down shirt that was totally my favourite. My mum used to praise that green looked good on me. As if, it was made for me.
Then I made myself breakfast like all good Americans : hot chocolate and toasts dripping with cheese. I still remembered the wonderful smell of hot chocolate that my mum used to make for me. After her death, I never quite caught that morning scent again. Before leaving, she whispered to me, as if gonna reveal the world's biggest damn secret. I leaned in, like a scared child, and heard :
"Daniel , I'm so proud of you."
I didn't know why.
Until now.

I summoned up all my guts and stepped out of my apartment that I bought in amazingly cheap rate. I inhaled all those flowers drenched in sun.
The only hope left was to find her. Even though it could not make everything all right, but atleast there was a big something in my journey.

She was the only rare painting I would spend my whole life observing.

Amsterdam was a big and gorgeously amazing city. Elm trees everywhere. Indeed, a great tourist attraction. I kept walking in high hopes to find her even though I had no clue. I was just like a traveler who didn't know the destination.
Who would go where the wind would take him.
Before leaving, she had told me that she would spend her rest of life in Amsterdam. So there I was, searching everywhere for a girl who wasn't less than a miracle in my messed up life.

I sat down on a wooden bench nearby, tired and exhausted. I took deep breaths and it felt like years I hadn't breathed like that. I could see many tourists around, even Americans too.
Everything in Amsterdam was like a painting: utterly peaceful and amazing. The kids were playing nearby recklessly, unaware of the future and their lives ahead. That was the best part about being a kid: you get a tiny world of fairytale to live in without even sneaking out in the real, great big world.

As I was busy in observing the simplest and truest pleasureness of the world, I took a glance at my watch, 4:00 pm. I stood up and again searched everywhere and asked everyone, but still no sight of her.

Where was she?

Finally realizing that I could get some rest now, I raced home, sipped some vodka and listened to the song : Falling in love with you. I thought that loving her, always felt warm like home.
As the song played, I sang along, slowly, like a kid, learning his first rhyme.