Continued Silence

Thirty-four: out of the vanity

Few minutes later:

Maybe at that time, I could have cried like endless falling rain. Or shouted, while making things a mess. A big, fat mess.
Yet, this time I didn't.
It was different now. I believed.
Something inside of me, no doubt was so broke like a wing, yet it also believed.

And maybe music was the only thing to drown all the weird thoughts. It had always been there for me, whenever my heart wasn't beating fine.

"Hey, let's listen to some music!", I enthusiastically said, while inside of me was like a dark lonely room.
Grace and William also started shouting as if we were in some Hawaiian festival.
I played the song "Highway Don't Care", by Tim McGraw and taylor swift, as it seemed the best song at that time.

We all sang along like dorks in a stupid mini truck.
I lowered the volume and said,
"Hey William, will you drive?"
He nodded and then I turned to Grace,
"Come out."
I stopped the car in the middle of nowhere. Grace confusingly looked at me but got out anyways. I also got out from the truck. For a moment, a tiny little precious moment, her eyes looked deep into mine. I looked back and smile, a hint that everything was fine.
William sat in the driver's seat while Grace and I sat at the back of the truck, just like me and William did once.
"Okay, drive!", I shouted to him.
"Yessir!!", he responded back and drove.

Grace and I both stood up at the back and spreaded our arms like a free reckless bird.

Yet we weren't like birds
But rather ourselves
Two free human spirits
Under the hot summer sun
While drenched in sweat
That was how I knew
We were alive like spring
Yet little did we know
There was an Autumn
Waiting for us, few miles away

The next thing I remembered was crying under her hair while hugging her like some exquisite pillow, at the airport.

How could I live without the familiar smell of hers? Waking me everyday like the sun?
She was just like the sun that I saw everyday. Imagine if you knew that it wouldn't come out the next day.
That was how I felt.
How could I survive without seeing her most delicate sunny smile for a long time? And who knew what long time meant?
What if, well what if.....it meant forever?

But deep down, in the ocean of my heart, whispered a voice,
"Letting go is the bravest thing you'll ever do."
So I needed to believe it was all fine.
Besides all the fears of not seeing her again, I believed that I would be calm in the storm.
Not that I wouldn't miss her....or stop loving her..
I was calm because for the first time, I believed in her returning .
Just like on a rainy day, what we do? We hope and believe that the sun will rise soon..
And look, what that little believe does : it lights the whole sky after the rain.
If no one believed in the rising of the sun, there wouldn't be any morning.
I knew she was leaving home, just to provide others their home.
So I let her go.

Grace started crying too and said,
"Do you really think I'll be back?"
I managed a smile through verge of tears and replied,
"I don't think. I believe."
She leaned in and whispered,
"You know, the moment I saw you, I knew you wouldn't be just a boy who'll dump me after a month. I had always known that you would be my forever."
I nodded and said,
"Tell me you won't stop loving me."
She nodded back, maybe millions of time, and said,
"I won't. Forever and ever."

So yeah, that was the time to let go of your favourite girl, who didn't like Romeo and Juliet.

I stepped back. William and I waved at her.
Even though she would be gone in a moment, still the fragile strings that connected our heart, would never be detached.