Continued Silence

Twelve : she was just a girl

6th August, 2011.

Life can never be the way you want it to be.
Two months before, after his disappearance for three weeks, the officer came and told us that they found my dad's dead body near a river that was close to "High Towers." They informed us that someone tortured him on selling his company and especially all the documents to "High Towers", but when he went there at that night, he refused to do such thing and therefore, some men murdered him and trailed off.
Leaving his body alone, near that river.
A soul-less body near the living waves.
All I wondered was why he didn't inform the police any sooner.
The officer told us that they had already found the murderer and he was sentenced to death but killing someone who killed my father was no relief.
Killing couldn't resurrect. No one could bring him back to life. No one.

Last two months were the worst of all. Those days were spent in heartbreak and emptiness. Our house, that was once filled with beautiful dawns and sparkling nights, was replaced by endless suffering and hopelessness. My mum suffered the most. She seemed really weak and I worried so much. She spent all her days locked in her room.
All the stimuli was worse, actually.

One morning, I woke up as the sunrays disturbed my sleepless sleep. I swung my legs and stood up. The sun was blasting with heat but it wasn't warm enough. It kind of felt good. I thought how my dad wouldn't feel the warm sunlight on his face, ever.
I thought about Grace's mum, and all of the dead parents of innocent kids. How they'd felt, I had always wondered, but now I knew that feeling too.

Worse kind of feeling, like being trapped, alone, in a big castle or something. There was no way in or out.
And that castle, was surely life.

I was already late for school so I decided to take a day off. After his death, I skipped my school for half a month until Grace comforted me like I did to her so I attended school even I didn't want to.
Well atleast that day, I was late so.....a good excuse to skip the school.

I went downstairs and made myself breakfast while mum was asleep and Chris at school. Just three tired souls in our home after his death.
I thought about how one person could change your whole damn life.
I went into the kitchen as I was starving. I made two toasts and ate them with cheddar cheese. I stared at his empty chair for a while. I looked at the sink where many dishes were left undone. Our house really became a mess, like us.

Then I went into my dad's small office room in our home. I sat on his chair and breathed his long lost scent. I scrolled through some pictures in his laptop. There were so many memorable pictures of him with his friends. I touched his face with my index finger but I felt nothing.
It was just a picture.
One thing he loved to capture was nature and especially the blue sky cut open by the branches of trees above.
I went to my room and that was when I came across a small poem on the internet about father.

He carried me around my whole life
Picked me up, took me here and there, said
Come with me, I'll take you, we'll have fun
We never did
You don't know a father's weight
Until it's lifted

After lunch with mum, Chris and silence, I went to the lake.
The trees were dancing in the late afternoon wind.
I sat on the bench and looked at the almost blue sky. I texted Grace.

xxxxx
4:15:54' p.m

Me: Can we meet?
Her: Of course. When?
Me: Now.
Her: I'll be there at 5.
Me: Okay
Her: Where?
Me: The lake.
Her: I don't doubt it :)

xxxxx