Continued Silence

Eighteen : yes, it is continued silence

2nd January, 2013

Pain is a feeling you cannot describe in words. Sometimes words are just not enough. You cannot know other people's suffering but your own.
Another three months had passed in a blur and my life lacked love and friendship. Well, atleast I had learned to smile often and live a little. But all that didn't mean I had forgotten her. She was still in my heart but the worst part was that I couldn't feel her. I just couldn't.

People say distance doesn't separate people but why did I feel so empty? I already felt lost.
There was so much distance and silence between us. Maybe we were already defeated.
Atleast we were under the same starry sky and city neon lights.

Our house was a mess because of the New year's party last night. I was mostly in my room because the party reminded me of her. When she showed me the lake. Our first talk. I still knew all those songs that played from heart. Those old songs were still in my head. Lyrics, that once felt like home.

After the night of the party, I woke up lazily and got ready for school. I drank my everyday's hot chocolate and went outside, waiting for my school bus to appear.

I didn't ride my bicycle to school anymore. I just couldn't, because whenever I rode it, I would remember Grace on hers, riding beside me.
I had stopped riding it, and it just stood in the corner, feeling lonely.

Yesterday's snow was still covering the roads and leafless trees. I incredibly missed how Grace and I had played in the snow that day when she asked me, forever? And I replied, forever.
Who knew that our forever was so little , ending just like that.

Well, I wanted to fix one thing that day. I knew that there were many things unfixed but one was important of all. I would talk to William. Another try, because I really needed to fix those things that I could. I was lucky to have a choice. How often do we get choices?

I entered the hallway, and everyone seemed the same. I moved slowly ahead, got my books from the locker and headed for the first period of literature, even though literature felt nothing without her.
As I was walking down the hall, I stopped when I saw Grace's locker. I pictured Grace, with her Mona lisa's smile, leaning against it reading her books. I went forward and touched the locker, feeling nothing except the cold metal. I fished into my bag and took out the picture of "Beatles", an old band, and taped it on her locker as she really loved them.

As I was seated in the class, I kept glancing at her empty desk. Our teacher came in and went back and forth while talking about "Pride and Prejudice", without that glow in his eyes he used to have during disputes with Grace.
Then he started talking about "Romeo and Juliet", and said,

"Such a classic. Shakespeare had always been a legend."
Then he added,
"Now who doesn't like Romeo and Ju--.", and stopped midway once he realized what he was saying.
He laughed and said,
"Yeah, everyone loves it, except Grace Anderson."

And I wanted to just escape that class.

After our first period, I saw William standing by his locker. I didn't think of anything but just ran towards him, until Ethan came in my way.
I thought he wanted to mess with me again, but rather he turned around towards William.
I was still few feet apart, so I could see both of them having some deep conversation, until William said,
"Go away, you bastard."

And the brawl began. Ethan grabbed William's shirt and shoved him against the locker. William tried to resist but Ethan was the strong and muscular one.