But He Loves Me~~{Tyrus} COMPLETED

11

•Cyrus•
         The darkness surrounds me even more than it did before. Sometimes I think it just likes me, likes the feeling of me being here. I can't say I enjoy the darkness, but at the moment it is better than the light. The light burns my skin. It also doesn't match how I feel inside. I feel dark, therefore I should be in the dark.
My mother has tried to bring me out. She's tried to take me shopping for new clothes and makeup, but I'm not into that stuff anymore. To be honest, I'm not into anything anymore. I mean, what is there for me to be into. I can't read or I get hurt. I can't wear lipstick or I get hurt. I can't wear what I want or I get hurt. I can't talk to TJ or I get hurt. I'm so tired of getting hurt.

I've stopped everything. Stopped going to school, that's the biggest one. Stopped wearing nice clothes, now it's only TJ's hoodies and t-shirts that I've stolen over time. Stopped wearing makeup, which is partly because of my injuries. I even stopped talking to TJ. That's the most important one.

He's tried so hard to talk with me. He's showed up at the house without telling me, he's texted and called more than I can count. I just can't do it. I can't take it anymore. I can't take the punches and the bruises, the broken arms and broken heart. I can't do it. And if that means I have to give up the most important person to me in the world, then so be it. I just want to be happy.

To be quiet frank, I don't think I ever will be happy again. Too much has been taken from me for my brain to even process good news. For example, yesterday my mom told me she was pregnant. I gave her a slight smile, and that was it. No "congratulations" or "seriously" or any bit of excitement. Of course I'm happy for her, I'm happy I get to have a little sibling to protect. But at the same time, everything in life has just been so beige. Bland and bleak.

My mom told me I have to go to school today, but I don't think that's I smart idea. I know she just wants me to see my friends, to get out of my sorrow. But, walking into that place is like walking into a death trap. I'm walking right into the capsule that is Jonah Beck.

*time skip*

The palms of my hands sweat under the heat of his hand. We've held hands plenty of times, but now it feel as if I've been trapped into his hold. As if everything in the world is caving in on me. I had never felt anything like it. This feeling is terrifying.

I'm not going to lie, I'm horrified to even walk away from Jonah. My chest closes and my heart stops every single time I walk into a class that he isn't it. I know it's crazy, why would I want to be near someone who made me hate myself? Well, every step I take I feel as though I'll be killed if I do one thing wrong.

"Jonah..." I whispered as I felt a tug and saw the bathroom sign up ahead. It's okay, Cyrus. Just don't fight him this time and it'll be okay. The door clicked shut, my lips trembling.
"It's okay, baby. I'm not here for sex. I...I wanted to say I'm sorry. I've been a really shitty boyfriend lately. I won't hurt you, ever again. And if you say no, it'll mean no. I promise. I love you okay?" I nodded, smiling softly. He has to be telling the truth, please let him be telling the truth.
"Okay." He moved me against the wall, but softly. Not as hard as when he tried to hurt me.
"You love me too, right?" No, not even a little bit. You scare me now.
"Of course I do, JoJo." I put in a fake smile, watching him lean in.

         Our lips touched for the first time in about a month, and I didn't feel anything. I would usually get butterflies and everything around me would be happy. But now, I feel like my mouth is being probed by an alien. And that alien is my rapist boyfriend who I don't love. Who I don't want to be around. Who I don't want to kiss. Who I hate. And I'm convinced he hates me too.

*time skip*

•TJ•
        "So, he's not just ignoring me?" Andi and Buffy looked at me, worry covering their faces.
"No. We thought you would be the one he was talking to." I shook my head.
"I, um. No offense Andi, but I don't really wanna say this around you." She smiled softly, nodding. She's always understood Buffy and I talking about Cyrus alone, she gave up her "best friend" title to me last year. Actually handed me a paper that said, "you are now the best friend."
"It's fine. I'm gonna go watch football practice." We both watched as she walked off, making sure she wasn't in ears reach.

       "I'm supposed to take Cyrus to get an abortion today." Her eyes went wide, but she knew well enough not to make a big deal as we are sat in the wide open.
"Jonah got him pregnant? Wait, they had sex?" She questioned, insanely confused.
"You cannot tell him I told you because he didn't tell me. I figured this shit out on my own. But, no. They didn't have sex." Even more confusion.
"TJ, that's how babies are made buddy." I shook my head.
"At least I don't count it as sex because there wasn't any love. He raped Cyrus. If Jonah didn't hurt him like he did, then Cy would probably be keeping it." I looked at her, seeing the tears in her eyes.
"I'm gonna fucking kill him." She whispered, wiping her tears.
"You can't do anything. I tried and it only got him into a hospital." She shook her head, looking at her feet.
"How does he know he's pregnant?" She asked, making sure no one heard.
"The hospital ran blood tests. That's the last time I talked to him. He asked me to take him to abortion appointments and such. I took him to his pre-screening two days ago, but we didn't talk. I'm taking him to his abortion today, and we probably won't talk." She nodded.
"Just, make sure he's okay. Like, talk to Theresa. I don't want another slip, for him or you. I don't want to have to sleep in the hospital waiting for you guys to wake up, hoping you guys wake up." I grabbed her hand, holding it in mine for comfort.
"I-I know. Don't worry about me, okay? I'm fine. And I'm trying to make sure Cyrus is okay." She nodded once more.
"Okay. I trust you." We both stood from the bleachers we sat on, pulling each other into a hug.
"Love you, Buff." I whispered, pulling away.
"Love you too, Teej. No go take care of your boy, okay?" I nodded, turning to walk away.

           I hopped in my car, turning on the radio as I drove to the familiar place that is Cyrus' house. Lemon Boy by Cavetown softly, filling my ears. I'm going to try to talk to him today, and hopefully he'll talk back. Even if he yells at me, I just need to hear his voice.

       I pulled into his driveway, turning the music off and beeping. He doesn't look at my texts anymore. He also hates listening to music in the car, it gives him headaches. I sat in my seat, waiting for him to come outside. Once the door opened, my breath caught in my throat. He walked towards my car in my hoodie, which was white with a red rose in the corner, paired with grey shorts that reached his knees. He has knee high pink socks and white converse on his feet.

        "Hey, Bambi." I said softly as he buckled into the car. He didn't even smile as I started driving. I can't take it anymore, the silence. I parked my car in an empty lot near his house, looking at him.

         "I'm not leaving until you talk to me." He shook his head, looking at his hands.
"We're gonna be late. There, I spoke, can we go now?" I could hear it in his voice. I wants to talk to me, he needs to.
"Cy, please. I'm begging you here." He looked at me for in first time in what feels like years.
"Incase you're wondering, yes. Jonah Beck forced me to have sex with him." His voice cracked as tears leaked down his cheeks.
"Cyrus." I reached over, but hesitated. He reached too, grabbing my hand.
"I-It's okay. You can hold my hand still. I won't freak out. And before you speak, please just let me talk. But I'm gonna need you to drive or we'll miss my appointment." I nodded, pressing the gas.
"Okay. Speak away."

      "Um, I'm not going to tell you how it happen or how it felt. I'm only going to tell you how I feel now. I don't like touching people and I don't like people touching me. You holding my hand is okay, but anything else scares me. It seems that everything scares me now. I'm afraid he'll...that he'll fucking kill me if I talk to you or Buffy or Andi or even freaking Marty. I don't know what to do. I hate the fact that I'm aborting this baby, I'm so against it. But I wouldn't be able to love it knowing it was forced there. So I'm doing this shit and I need you with me. I don't need just a stupid ride to the hospital, I need someone I love to hold my hand when I'm scared. And I am. I'm so fucking scared of every step I take and every breath I breathe. Every day I'm scared. I just want it over. All of it. I don't think I can do this anymore, TJ." His eyes were puffy as we drove, our hands intertwined.
"It's okay. I'll help you, alright?"

     I'm gonna put Jonah fucking Beck in the grave.

Word Count: 1,742