But He Loves Me~~{Tyrus} COMPLETED

21

•Cyrus•
           I rocked in a chair that was placed in the corner of  JC's nursery. Jagger was in my arms, sucking down a bottle while I hummed softly to him. He was wrapped in a light blue blanket, a little pink hat on his head. Honestly, it's funny how much he looks like James. He has small little tufts of blonde hair that match his bright blue eyes. It's almost impossible to think that we're siblings. But we are. He's my baby brother.

      "Knock knock." I heard from the doorway. I looked up and saw the Kippen siblings, all four, standing there.
"Hey guys, he's just about done." I said softly so I wouldn't startle the baby.
"How's the big brother doing?" TJ asked, sitting in the chair next to mine. That's his chair.
"Good, tired. Mom and James work on weekends and at night now so I'm with him most of the time." They all nodded, Lola sitting on a little stool next to TJ's chair.

          There are four adult size chairs in the room and a stool next to one of them. The chair I'm sat in is on the left side of his crib. It's light pink and made of wood that rocks back and forth. On the top there's a golden plaque piece engraved with 'Brother Bambi.' The chair next to mine is wooden, painted blue with a matching cushion on it. There's a golden plaque piece engraved with 'Uncle Baloo.' The small stool that's next to TJ's chair is wood, painted purple with a design carved in each leg. On the front of the stool there's a golden plaque piece engraved with 'Auntie Lola.'  Across from TJ and I there are matching chairs that instead of what ours say, are engraved with 'Mama' and 'Dada.'

       "He's so cute." Amber said as I took the bottle out of his mouth.
"Thank you. He thinks so too." I positioned him on my shoulder to burp him, but Grady interjected.
"Bro, let me do it. You've been with him all day and I used to do this with these three." I smiled, nodding and handing JC to Grady.
"Babe, you look exhausted." TJ mumbled as Lola climbed her way into my lap. She sat facing away from me, my arms wrapped around her torso.
"I know, Teej. I just can't leave him alone." He nodded.
"Maybe we should leave Jag with Amber and Grady so you can get some rest?" Amber took Lola, TJ pulling me out of my chair.
"Oh so this was a plan to make me get sleep?" I laughed out, TJ ruffling my hair.
"Yes, it was. Come on." I looked back at Jagger, caution on my face as Grady set him down in his crib.
"Cyrus go. Go cuddle your boyfriend, take a nap, don't be a parent for the first time in two months." Amber said, practically pushing us out of the room.
"Okay, just um, make sure he doesn't roll over onto his face. Also if he wakes up screaming sing to him, in my chair not the others. He knows the difference. And-"
"Don't give him the pacifier for more than twenty minutes. We know. TJ filled us in on how to take care of him."
"See, JC is fine. Let's go." TJ dragged me across the hall to my bedroom.

       The design in the room has been long finished, perfect. Like I mentioned before, the walls are pink and the furniture is white, but now there's more of a pop. The pillows on my bed are fluffy, the main one in the center is a chocolate chip muffin. There are Polaroid pictures all over one wall and surrounded by fairy lights. TJ loves it here too, but we haven't entered this room together since before my mom went back to work.

"Come on, don't worry about your brother." TJ said, dragging me to my bed. The both of us lay next to each other, facing each other
"Mom and James wanted to higher a babysitter. They didn't want me doing everything because I'm still a kid." I mumbled, making TJ laugh.
"Then why are you playing daddy to an infant?" I started messing with my hands due to the question.
"It's complicated." I mumbled, TJ moving closer to me.
"Try me." He retorted.
"I don't really trust people with him. Like, we could literally be fucking right now and the only thing I would be able to think about is if Jagger is okay. You were there, I held him before my parents did. Sometimes I barely trust my mom with him, even James. It's as if he's my son." TJ nodded, kissing my head.
"Have you talked to your therapist about this?" He began fumbling with his hands now.
"Yeah. She says it's part of my trauma. I'm worried that something is going to happen to him. That something really bad is going to happen to him." I said, TJ nodding.

           Ever since TJ and I started dating, he's very wary about how he touches me. He won't initiate kissing or touching because he's scared he will hurt me. Which kind of makes sense, we went from a friendship into a romantic relationship. Everything is different. Scary and new. But, I trust him and I know he would never hurt me like Jonah did. I just don't think he knows that.

       "You know you can kiss me without asking, right?" He froze, his cheeks turning red.
"I can?" I laughed, nodding.
"Yeah. And you can holding me in your arms and hug me and do all that boyfriend stuff. You're allowed to." His hand moved up and he pulled me close to him, I giggled at the smile on his face.
"And I can kiss you? Without asking?" I nodded.

           TJ presses his lips to my own in a kiss, running his hands up and down my back. One of my hands went up to his hair and played with it as we kissed. I enjoy kissing. It's one of my favorite activities because it shows love. Pure and beautiful love. And it doesn't lead to anything bad or anything that's pressured. It's nice, calming. Then I felt it...but it was me this time. I felt my own pants get tighter. TJ pulled off the kiss at the feeling and tried to move away, put I held him in his place.

     "No, T." He seemed confused.
"Cyrus I'm not trying to-"
"I know you're not. TJ I haven't had a boner since the first time he did it." His eyes widened, but then softened again.
"Oh, well baby I don't wanna do anything that'll upset you." I nodded.
"I know, and that's why I love you. But can we keep kissing?" He smiled, nodding.

            We started kissing again, back in the position we were in before. After a couple minutes of making out while I grew more of an uncomfortable sensation in my pants, I tangled our legs together. TJ's knee now pressed to my crotch and I could feel heat bubble in my stomach from even the smallest bit of contact. Nothing as sexually touched down there in a while. And this is fucking amazing.

      "Baloo." I let out in a breathy moan, biting my lip and leaning my forehead against his.
"We should stop." I shook my head.
"No, no. I just...can I maybe sort of kind of...grind on your leg?" I whispered, my cheeks heating up.
"Yeah, you can."

We kissed again to muffle my noises and I started grinding against his legs. I moaned into his mouth, the feeling overwhelming to me. This happened for a few moments, then my attitude changed. My heart rate picked up and I could feel them again. The hands. Not the hands of my loving and wonderful boyfriend who is kissing me right now, but the hands of Jonah. Running up and down my body.

"Get off, get off!" I screamed and TJ jumped backward as I started scratching at my body.
"Cyrus it's okay, he's not here." Tears started to fall down my cheeks as I hyperventilated. As I sat there, screaming and trying to not hurt myself, Jagger began crying.

            I went to stand up and go get the baby, but TJ wouldn't let me. He held my arm lightly and made sure I didn't get up. His hand on my skin made me calm a bit, knowing that it was him. TJ isn't Jonah. Jonah is in prison. I turned my head and looked into TJ's eyes, blueish green and oh so beautiful. Count Cyrus, count.

      "W-One." TJ nodded, Amber standing in the doorway with a screaming baby.
"Good Cy. Can you continue?" I nodded.
"T-Two, thr-three....g-g-give me him." I motioned towards Amber, but she stayed put.
"Bambi, honey, you're still shaking and I don't want you to drop him." My boyfriend whispered softly, my hands still violently shaking.
"H-He wants me."

        TJ stood and took Jagger from his sister. My brother wasn't wrapped anymore, but was still in a little hat. He also wore a onesie that was light pink and covered in little dogs. TJ walked back to the bed I was on and placed the crying baby on the bed next to me. Jagger stopped crying once he was next to me. My body started to slow down.

     "Easy, Cy. Just calm your body down." He said quietly, Amber now gone from the doorway.
"I'm calm." There was a light twitch in my hands, but my mind simmered.
"Okay, good. We don't have to do anything like that again until you're ready, alright?" There was a sadness that flashed through my head.
"Yeah...alright." I mumbled, laying down next to Jagger.

       I say that I'm okay with it, that I'm okay with my mind completely fucking me over. But I'm not. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate not being able to be intimate with a person I trust. I just want to be able to have sex with my boyfriend. Is that too much to ask?

Word Count: 1,698