But He Loves Me~~{Tyrus} COMPLETED

19

•Cyrus•
I don't want to do this. I mean, of course I don't. I would so much rather be going to physical therapy for my arm than going to where I'm going right now. But alas, I have to. I have to see Jonah in juvie. When the idea was first brought up, I thought it was insane. My therapist had told me that in order to let go and move on from my past, I had to talk to the person that hurt me. She wanted me to confront Jonah in prison.

That's why I'm in this position. In the passenger seat of TJ's car, his hand rested on my thigh as music created a soft and dull hum around us. He drove quickly, but not too urgent and avoided most of the bumps in the road. He knows how I hate them. The heat blasted at our faces, creating a warmth that hugged my cheeks and dried my eyes a little bit. Everything seemed to be blissful, but it honestly is the most stressing time in my life. I want nothing more than to just turn around and go back home, cuddle and watch movies on the couch. But I can't. I have to do this.

          The thing is, he scares me. Jonah Beck scares me. He very being wraps a hand around my throat while I sleep, it infests my brain. Every dream I have is about him and what he would do to me. The demons that overwhelmed me and the demons that still exist within him float around me wherever I am. They hold TJ in a lock of not being able to go near me in certain situations and being unable to do to the things I know every teenage boy wants. So yes, he scares me. He scares me because I know he has ruined my life, that I will never have a normal view on relationships and what it's like to be a teenager. And it's all because of him. I'm scared to not understand how to grow up.

        Suddenly, as we pulled up slowly toward the juvenile detention center where Jonah was being held, the hand on my thigh no longer belonged to TJ. It no longer belonged to a boy who I loved and trusted with my whole mind. My brain tricked me into remember Jonah and what he would do. When we sat with each other, he used to put his hand on my thigh to keep me from leaving or moving. If his hand moved, if I moved, a lash to the back with a belt.

"I'm sorry." TJ mumbled after removing his hand, he sensed the tension. I look at him, taking in deep breaths. It's TJ. He would never hurt me. He isn't Jonah.
"Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's just my stupid brain." I reminded him as he pulled up to the guard.

         The man guarding the fence was tall, built like a warrior. He was clean shaven and seemed fairly young to be a guard, but I didn't necessarily question it. TJ rolled down the window as he moved closer to the car. He badge read "Lark" and his wrist dawned a gay pride equal sign.

       "ID's." Both of us reached into our pockets. I handed mine to TJ and he handed them to Lark. He studied them and then studied us.
"Who are you trying to see?" Lark mumbled in a heavy southern accent, then his eyes narrowed on me.
"We're trying to visit Jonah Beck, sir." He stepped back.
"Doll in the passenger... aren't you the boy that Jonah Beck raped?" I held my knees to my chest.
"Yes sir." He leaned on the window, TJ's arm ready to go up if needed.
"Then why are you trying to come see him? And you mister driver man, you were a witness."
"Yes sir, I am a witness. And his name is Cyrus, not the boy that was raped."
"Easy there son, I was only asking a question." TJ sneered at Lark.
"It's okay T, I can answer. It's part of my therapy. Confronting what has hurt me in the past." Lark nodded, opening the gate.
"Y'all go on in. He'll be behind glass doll, don't worry."

         We both nodded, TJ driving forward into the parking lot of the prison. This place scares me. Even the outside is gross. As we stepped out of the car I instantly ran to TJ, grabbing onto his arm. He smiled, but could tell I was absolutely terrified.

"Hey, Bambi, you're gonna be fine." He comforted and I nodded, though I didn't really believe him.
"What if he tries to get out of the glass? What if he yells at me like he used to? He could do so much even if he can't really get to me." TJ grasped my hand in his and began to walk forward.
"That's why I'm here. And that's why there's guards in the prison. He can't hurt you." I nodded once more at the words, reaching forward to open the steel door in front of us.

Everything in the front lobby seemed friendly enough. Little holiday decorations spread everywhere and receptionists were all pretty and put together. I sighed out a quick breath, feeling a little relieved that I had a moment to feel like I'm not visiting a prisoner. TJ moves us forward so we could approach the desk. A bright eyed woman looked at us, she was maybe in her 50s and had slightly graying blonde hair.

"Hello boys, how can I help you?" I gulped, TJ getting the message that I didn't want to speak.
"Um, we're here to visit an inmate." TJ stated, gripping me hand tighter.
"Which one?" She pulled up something on her computer.
"Jonah Beck." He face instantly dropped when she looked at us again.
"You're the boys from the trial, aren't you?" My lips quivered.
"Yes ma'am, we are." TJ was doing all the talking.
"Well, you two are brave coming to see him. If you don't mind me asking, why would you do that?" TJ went to speak but I cut him off before he could.
"It's part of my therapy. Seeking answers from and confronting the things that hurt me. Jonah is the number one contender."

The woman nodded, rolling on her chair backward. She stopped herself and grabbed two stickers. They were bright yellow, construction vest yellow, and the word "VISITOR" was printing in bold across them. She came back, handing one to both of us.

"Each of you need to wear those in a visible place, please." We both places them on our shirts.
"Thank you."
"And you can head on in through those doors right there. Good luck."

We turned, my grip on TJ becoming impossibly tight. The hallway was narrow and dim, the worry and fear of it all setting deep in my brain. Thoughts swarmed me like bees, the doors getting closer and closer. I took one more deep breath before pushing through them, and there he was. Sitting there with a smirk on his face behind a glass window.

Jonah Beck.

Word Count: 1,201

A/N sorry about the wait, I've been writing a movie which I finished and hope to turn into something!!