But He Loves Me~~{Tyrus} COMPLETED

18

•TJ•
       You see, there's something complex about the way my brain works. And before you ask, no I'm not talking about discalculia. I'm talking about my brain in general. The things I think or say or do often end up not being what I intended. It happens all the time, but mainly with Cyrus.

        Like yesterday, the second he entered a room I tripped over my feet and landed face first on the tile floor of our shared math class. And a week ago, he went to hold my hand but instead on entwining our fingers, I pancake held his hand. Pancake! That isn't romantic! Not that I have romantic intentions, of course I don't. I wouldn't even dream of making moves on him so close in time from what happened to him.

        Now, as I stumble down the sidewalk on my way the Buffy's house, the mere thought of Cyrus Joshua Goodman makes me want to stutter and turn red and fall all over the place. He just has this effect on me and I don't know why, nor do I think I ever will. This boy does things to me that no one has ever done. And I don't know why they're starting now considering I've been around him for so long, I've had feeling for him for so long. So why now?

         I climbed the steps of the Driscoll home, smiling at the familiar place. A small grey house that can fit a family of three. There's a big, grassy green yard that has little flowers all over it and two big maple trees. The front door is white to match the accents around the house, dawned with little lights and a plaque that says "beware of diva daughter" on the front. My hand moved to knock slowly, waiting for someone to answer.

       "Hello dear." A woman answered. She was tall, her hair pulled back into a bun and a soft expression colored her face. Is she Buffy's mom?
"Hi, ma'am. I'm TJ. Is Buffy home?" He smiled, taking a deep breath.
"You're a boy, which means she had to have told you or else that's very wrong of her." I nodded, realizing what she thinks is happening.
"I do know, but on the contrary to what you may think, I am gay. We're just friends." The woman nodded.
"Well, I'm Buffy's mother. Pleased." She held out her hand, my shaking it in mine.
"Me too. When did you get home? She never mentioned it." She smiled again, but this time it was cautious.
"She doesn't like to mention I'm home when I'm leaving again in a week." I nodded, just when Buffy walked down the stairs.

She wore a deep blue dress that was cut just above her knee and a black leather jacket. Her feet adorned black converse all stars that went up her ankles. I smiled at her and she came up to hug her mother goodbye. Buffy is a pretty girl, she always has been. For a while I tried to convince myself to have a crush on her. I mean, she's the pretty girl that I can tease. But I didn't want the pretty girl, I wanted the pretty boy. But there had always been this part of me that cursed myself or not wanting to be with Buffy, and maybe there still is.

"I see you met TJ." Her mom nodded, hugging her daughter.
"I did. Nice boy." I laughed, watching Buffy shake her head at the words.
"Yes, one who isn't interested." She walked out the door to join me.
"I know I know. He told me. I also remember Marty, honey." Buffy nodded.
"Anyway, we're leaving."
"Okay. Be back in three hours, you have your consultation at six. He's welcome if he wants." She nodded once more before her mom closed the door.

              We both turned and began walking down the street, quiet and enjoying each other's company. Buffy and I don't spend a lot of time together, but we thought that for Cyrus's sake that we should get closer than we already are. Or at least know what the other's past with Cy was like.

      "What's your consultation for?" I mumbled, feeling the crisp air whip at my cheeks as we moved forward.
"My uh...my bottom surgery." Her cheeks tinted pink, but she smiled happily.
"They let you do that before you're eighteen?" I questioned, a bit late on the knowledge of this stuff.
"Yeah. As long as my therapist says I actually have gender dysphoria and the proof of me being on hormones for years is given to them, I can get it done." We slowly came to a stop at a park that was very familiar. I shoved my hands into my hoodie, cursing silently that I didn't wear a larger jacket in mid January.

I looked around, noticing the snow that was in small patches everywhere. Small children were balling it up and tossing it at each other, laughing loudly with joy of the ice cold buzz in their veins. Parents sat on dried off benches, holding coffee in their glove covered hands while the gossiped about PTA meetings.

To the average person, everything around here seemed completely elegant and beautiful and serene. But to me it wasn't. Cyrus often told me about the things that happened between him and Jonah at this park, how he would try to hurt him or touch him when no one was around. This place holds awful memories, but I'm hoping to start making better ones.

The two of us moved to sit in a play structure, happy that the snow had been taken off. We shivered, leaning against bars and alphabet covered walls. Our knees were pressed tightly to us due to the fact that we out grew the structure years ago. It was simple. Nice.

"I remember when Cyrus and I were little. We used to sit up here and talk about things like boys or my transition. We stopped around the time I got my top surgery because I had a really long recovery." That made me smile.
"What was he like when he was younger? What we're you all like?"
"Who should I start with?" She asked, I thought for a moment.
"Ummm...Andi."

      "Andi was a lot meaner when we were young, probably until we hit thirteen. Everything was about her, always. Even when I told them I'm a girl, she said 'thank god. I was not about to suffer with two men.' But as we got older she became sweet, although she's still self centered." I nodded.
"That seems like her."
"Yeah. And then, I was insanely shy. I would walk quietly and move quickly so I couldn't be seen because god forbid someone called me 'son' or 'young man.' But at the same time I was always a resemblance of who I am now. I was competitive and sporty, but still feminine and dressy." I chuckled, picturing a tiny Buffy that's exactly like the grown one I now speak to.
"This may be dumb, but what was Jonah like as a kid?" She froze, but softened quickly.

       "He was this all powerful guy. I mean, everyone wanted to be him or be with him. Every since kindergarten, people worshipped the ground he walks on. Cyrus started thinking he was cute in third grade, Andi was fifth. Jonah used to be sweet. He would serenade Cyrus and Andi on the playground, or play football with me. He bought me three dresses for my birthday and Cyrus his first lipstick. He was the one to suggest Andi cutting her hair, and her pixie makes her so happy. He was one of the nicest people we knew, until he grew up." I reached for her hand, holding it softly.
"Now, he's going to hopefully be murdered in prison." She chuckled.
"Yeah, he will."

"Tell me about Cyrus. What he was like when he was a kid." Buffy smiled widely, sighing.
"He's always been kind of the same, except back then he was a whole lot more outgoing. When we were young, he used to wear sparkly pink t-shirts from Justice and light up sketchers designed with princesses. I remember thinking he was strange, or that he was like me but the other way around. Andi never thought it was weird, she knew him before I did. It was just him. He used to run around and sing show-tunes and introduce himself as Cyrus the child actor. He was so fucking happy all the time. Around age ten is when he tried for the first time, scared the shit out of me. From then on, he became different. But not too different. He's still always happy, but has moments where he's blank. When he met you, god I had never seen him so excited about anything in his life. He was very mature when he was young, even more so now."
"Man, I love him. So fucking much it kind of hurts." She smiled, squeezing my hand.
"Yeah, he loves you too. More than he thinks he should."

Word Count: 1,525