Nightmare

RDJ Doesn't Have a Calendar

September 20, 2019
I lay in bed, blinking away tears, staring at my ceiling. This house is falling apart, it is searing hot outside, and it is 3 AM.

I don't know how much longer I can take of this. Dying might be nice.

A week ago, my cousin tried to keep me from killing myself by saying that if I died, I wouldn't be able to see what came next in the MCU.

I don't care anymore. Killing off people when happiness is just beyond their reach isn't entertainment.

THEY CANCELLED THE DISNEY+ LOKI SHOW. WHAT THE FUCK? I'M FUCKING PISSED.

And WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT, MARVEL AND SONY. WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT I AM PISSED. WHERE THE FUCK WILL MY BOY PETER GO NOW.

Some people say I have too much attachment to fictional characters, but I've almost grown up with them. It's like a part of me died watching Endgame.

It's been five months since Endgame came out, and I still haven't felt any better than when I saw it.

And here, everyone has a soulmate. My friends are always showing me little things that appear on their skin, little ink stains, drawings of hearts and flowers, paper cuts and unexplained bruises. Sometimes it's questions, their mystery soulmate talking to them.

I am alone. No soulmate. My skin has been free of birthmarks, any unexplained scars I didn't get or drawings I did not do. I do have two scars, but I know how I got them. I don't like to remember.

My skin has been otherwise empty since she had me, my mom tells me every day, calling me an abomination all the time.

I have no reason to live anymore.

I can't hide this part of me forever, and when I am found out, no one will care about me anymore.

My parents already hate me, my cousins will definitely start hating me when they find out I have unexplained powers, and my best friend-I don't know where he is these days. It's been a while since I've seen him. No doubt he will despise me as well when he finds out I've killed someone.

I glance at the digital clock in my room before putting my black-and-green glasses on. Slipping on an Old Navy gray sweatshirt, I quietly limp outside with a black crutch under my left arm, making sure not to make any noise.

I teleport myself to the crowd I see heading around the mountain, Naruto-running. I'm gonna get myself killed, but that's okay.

I deserve it.

I teleport to the front of the crowd, but I'm falling behind because I can't run properly.

I go to the gates. Then I transport myself inside the fence. I look back and see others being shot down left and right. Dark, thick blood sleeps through the desert sand and I shudder, turning away.

I tug open the doors to a very tall building and step inside. I see a long, empty corridor with doors and vault entrances. I came here to die, I'm gonna die. But I'm gonna see some damn aliens first.

I push open the heavy metal door, grunting, and step inside.

The room is empty. There's another door on the other side; otherwise empty. Except for a table with a box on it. I look into the box and see a bunch of iPods. But they look different.