My dearest K.

11.

14 April 2015

My dearest K.,

What would you think if you saw a girl who counts the days she is living before passing away dance like crazy? Call me a fool or whatever you want, but this song makes me fly to the moon and come back again. Wait, I will say some of the lyrics and you guess it: "I just wanna be somebody to someone, oh/ I wanna be somebody to someone, oh/ I never had nobody and no road home/ I wanna be somebody to someone". You had once told me that if you could write a song, you would be the author of this one...but you don't need to write it, baby, because even when the sun is upset and the sky goes cold and the clouds get heavy and start to fall, you still have somebody to call your own, you are somebody to someone...You are everything to me... my soul has traveled too far to reach yours and I am ready to be your home... Don't hesitate for a moment to shelter your pure soul in mine when you feel like a storm is ready to explode... I will keep it away from your demons for as long as you want me to. And while I am on the verge of the excitement that this song gives me, I will answer your sincere question: "What makes you feel like you are living your life to the fullest?"

Ironic how one day you look back and realize that what you called little things were actually the biggest... Late night conversations make me feel like I am living. On the drunk night vibe, I can scream the words I never dared to whisper in the sober daylight. Having those trustworthy people whom I can trust my 1 AM crazy thoughts makes me feel lucky because not everyone deserves to know the real me. Loving day by day a miracle like you makes me feel like breathing is important at all... I could leave with the idea that I can't breathe anymore, but this life won't be enough to love all of you.

Being kind to someone for no reason, but of course not forgetting I am someone too, makes me feel happy. Going through difficulties makes me feel alive... difficulties arise when you don't pay attention to life's whisper. I have come to understand that life chooses to whisper to you first, but if you ignore that whisper, sooner or later you will get a scream...and that's okay... that's okay because sometimes in the waves of change, you find your true direction.

And there is no way I was born to just go to school, do the homework, work and die... I AM MORE THAN THIS ORDINARY LIFE CYCLE... I have come to this world to take a risk and share my vision and gifts with the world. I feel I have more to offer to the world than just be that random girl who died at a young age. Sometimes I really feel heavy, because I carry so much of others and so less of me... and during keeping this weight, there were always things I wanted to put on paper, but the words hurt too much to write... and here I am...I won't keep anything hidden anymore... I inhale hope and exhale the true me through these words because they can always say something bigger than me and this world.

I love it when some things stop bothering you...like two months ago, I was totally bitter about so many things... I was totally freaked out how my life turned that much upside-down... but now I am like "You know what, I don't even care. Screw it all". And if past will ever dare to knock on my door and say "I miss you", then I will carefully and quietly close the door and run to hug the present... Hug and smile to life, because this world won't change because of your sorrow.

Forever yours, 

D.