My dearest K.

13.

2 May 2015

My dearest K.,

I am sorry for frightening you... I shouldn't have sent you the previous letter, but I couldn't resist. Everyone kept saying it's going to be okay when we all know damn well it won't. I am not Cinderella... because this pain on my chest will never go away and no fairy godmother will bibidi bobidi boo me. The sun might shine again, but maybe I won't reach the next morning to feel its warmth on my skin.

That stormy night reminded me of our first fight...completely useless, wasn't it? You would go on holiday the next day and I could see you only after a couple of weeks. I asked you to come and meet me behind my grandmother's house. I knew damn well that all my family was there and if they saw us together everything would become a disaster, but I didn't care... still wouldn't care if I had a chance to meet you now. You didn't come... I asked you for the first time to come near me and you said "No". Ironic how the man who had dreamed his whole life that maybe one day I would love him as he loved me, refused to come near me when I asked him to so that he didn't cause a fight between me and my family. I became furious at that moment because I thought you didn't want me, but how could I not see that you were only trying to prevent me from a fight with my family? Instead, you chose to throw yourself in the middle of a fight with me... And in that fight, you taught me love baby... love isn't those calming down when you yell. It's those yelling, just as loud, right there on your face to wake you up and keep you grounded. It's after a long fight, that drains the bones right out both of you, and yet him sending a damn long "Goodnight sweetheart" message. You taught me that there is no Bibidi Bobidi Boo that can be more magic than the love for someone.

You had asked me something in your previous letter: "If you could teach everyone in the world one thing, what would it be?" Wanting to always be that change-maker of the world, there was a tone of things that came to my mind, but I finally came up with one answer... I would teach temporariness. Every situation in life is temporary. So, when life is good, make sure you enjoy and receive it fully. You meet someone incredible, but you question it. You get invited to hang out but walk silently because you are too busy questioning if you belong. A foreigner helps you go through your most difficult times, but you question her real aim behind that help. Good things happen and you ask why. How can blessings multiply if you are always wasting energy questioning them?

And there are some days when life becomes bitterer than a lemon. You will be probably sitting quietly somewhere, fighting with yourself, losing your essence in a fierce battle with your consciousness and waiting for someone to tell you: "Have a good day!" Ohhh... and when life gives you lemons...eat them whole. Seriously. Just choke them all down. Skin, pulp, seeds, all of it. Don't break eye contact. And maybe that time, life will stop being such a bitch if you show that you are done fucking around. Stay alive and don't give up on yourself just yet. But until then... just have a day.

Forever yours,

D.