My dearest K.

7.

25 February 2015

My dearest K.,

I got out of the house today...yeah after all this time I did release myself. I am at that bar I first saw you. You were right across with some tall tattooed boys and were looking at me like I came from the Moon. Can you believe I noticed you only after an hour or so? When I first looked at you, I saw something. Your eyes baby; they were sad. They were so dark and frightened... like you were waiting for something bad to happen in a second. You really did do something bad: you made me get lost in that darkness to find the beautiful soul you have inside you. In fact, it's the best kind of mistake you could ever do. Damn it, if hell has that kind of darkness that hides in your eyes, I am more than willing to commit all the sins of this world and take a ticket straight to hell.

If you want to know after that heart-shattering look we had, I heard what you said to your friends: "All things truly wicked start from innocence". You once told me I was as innocent as your 5-year old niece (Geez, you really know how to get on my nerves), so I have started to think you meant that I couldn't be as innocent as the look in my eyes. Well, now I know I can't be... not after you at least. Today, I came down here to think of your question darling: "If every cell in your body gets replaced over seven years, will you still be you after seven years?"

I think that if each and every cell would be replaced by new ones, I would be just like a newborn soul trapped in an old body. We live in a multidimensional universe where time does not exist, with infinite parallel realities and unlimited possibilities. Probably, right now, there are many versions of me living their life completely independently and unknowingly from me. So if my cells were to be replaced, does this mean I will have to be like one of them? Will all my essence, memories and feelings be replaced too (God, can't we believe in our cells too now)? Most importantly, is all the essence that makes me "me" imprisoned in my cells only?

Instead of trying to find an answer to your mind-boggling question, I will simply imagine what I would do if these new cells would change me. First and foremost (and I hope you never forget that), I know you would make me fall in love with you even if I passed away and came back 100 times...I think when it comes to your kind of darkness, I will always have this desire to step forward and try to rescue you from it. It is very appealing to the discipline inside me I think. I will not even try to be careful when trying to fix "a broken person" (as you used to call yourself) from cutting myself on your shattered pieces. You know why? Because now your eyes don't look as sad and dark baby. I see something beautiful inside you, something called hope. Oh my God, your eyes shine so brightly now that even angels would get jealous. And I know that that kind of light inside your dark eyes will always make me want to be me again even after those seven years.

Forever yours,

D.