Behind Broken Walls (Zarry) GOING UNDER MAJOR EDITING*****

Chapter 5

Harry's POV

I sat in the chair anxiously as tears streamed down my face. I couldn't take it. I hated this feeling. Guilt, fear, loss. These feelings were sickening.

I felt like I was sitting at the edge of reality. "This is all my fault." I mumbled to myself.

"Harry-

" No shut up Louis. If i had watched him more. If I had cared for him more this wouldn't be happening. I shouldn't have let him go."

"Why do you guys do that?" Niall sniffed. "You guys are so freaking hard on yourselves. Yes, we could've been more watchful but we're not gonna punch you Harry if that's what you want." Niall rested his head on Liam intertwining there fingers together.

I eyed the nurse fearfully as she walked towards us. Now I understood why Zayn hated looking at people. Everywhere he went, there was this sympathetic look that made him cringed.

"Zayn is awake but go easy on him. Don't flood him with questions. Zayn's very unstable. He's been doing this a lot lately, hasn't he? He's depressed. Depression can lead to suicide-

"Zayn's not suicidal!"I told her. " He'd never kill him self." I cried. My heart sped rapidly. Zayn wouldn't kill him self.

"If he's drinking like this, it is attempted suicide. Luckily Zayn isn't light weighted when it comes to drinking. If that was the case, he would be dead right now. Anyways.......I suggest people go in one at time. Especially if anyone's gonna ask questions." The nurse then walked off.

"So who's gonna go first?" Liam asked.

"That's a dumb question, obviously is going to be Harry." Niall said.

"Whoa.......who said I was going to go first. Zayn doesn't even want to see me."

"Just go."

"No."

"Fine, then Zayn's going to think we didn't come and that we didn't care." Liam shrugged.

"Fine." I growled.

I nervously got up off my chair, and stretched my hand out to the door knob. I couldn't. I was hesitant. He still hates me and I know he does.

The blinds were closed so he couldn't see that I was there. I opened the door and I felt as if I was about to fall. He seemed pale. There were stitches on his wrist and a bandage on his leg.

"Please don't say I told you so." He choked. Tears filed Zayn's eyes. He placed his hands on his tears covering them.

I walked over and sat down next to him. Grabbing his hands, I placed it against my lips kissing the wet tears.

"I'm sorry." I said.

" No. No. Stop saying sorry. You didn't do anything. All you were doing was helping me and I took advantage of that and hated you for no reason. I kept thinking that I didn't deserve it an-

"Why would you think that? You deserve everything. You are worth everything and I mean that Zayn."

Zayn's breathe hitched and he rolled his eyes ripping his hand away from mine.

"Your lying and your just trying to make me feel better."

"I'm being honest Zayn. And I always will be. You just gotta trust me."

Zayn started crying again turning his head away from me. "Hey." I said turning his chin towards me. "Zayn we care about you. We really do. Don't think for a seconds that we don't. If we didn't, we wouldn't be here."

"Can you please go." He said as tears fell from his eyes.

I felt like I just got punched in the throat. He does hate me. The pain is unbearable.

"Harry." Zayn said. "Please."

The lump in my throat was getting bigger and bigger. A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away.

"Okay." I breathed out. "I'll go."

I got up and walked off without saying goodbye to anyone. I grabbed my keys and coat heading into the car.

"I want you to try. Quit it Zayn. I understand you have grief but you can't let it take over you like this. Your gonna end up know where Zayn!"

"I HATE YOU!!! I hate you so much!"

"Zayn-

"Shut up!! Don't say your sorry because your not. You meant every word you said! YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY AND NOT BE ABLE TO HAVE THEM!!!!!"

"Ugh!!" I yelled slamming hands on the wheel. "It's you Zayn! It's always been you! I won't be able to have you." I sobbed. "I won't be able to have you."

-

Zayn's POV

"Zayn Malik how are you today?" The doctor asked.

"Better than yesterday." I said not really referring to my condition but to my feelings towards Harry. God why did he have to be so annoying.

"Zayn can I ask you a few questions."

"Sure." I mumbled.

"Do you drink often?" She asked. I hesitated towards the question. What are the cons if I answer this? I'll go to rehab. I'll be on medication. I'll be looked at as a freak. "Zayn. It's okay if you answer yes. I promise."

"I don't know you." I mumbled.

"Zayn if you don't tell me this information, I won't be able to help you."

"I don't need your fucking help!" I yelled.

The nurse sighed shaking hey head in shame. "I'll let you rest and give you time to think."

I rolled my eyes back and rested in my bed wanting to drown in it.

-

Harry's POV

I sat on the bench quietly with the music blasting in my ears replaying the memories through my head.

I remember I was gonna surprise Zayn with a gift I had made for him on Christmas. I was going to give it to him and then I saw him and Perrie making out on the bench. I never felt pain but me so hard that day to the point where I didn't even want to breathe.

I snapped out of my thoughts hearing my phone ring and then I groaned seeing that it was Louis when he knew that I wanted to leave.

I contemplated on whether or not I should answer it but in the end I found myself placing the phone against my ear.

"What do you want Louis?" I snapped.

I could almost feel Louis rolling his eyes. "Zayn left the hospital."

My eyes widened and I got up from the bench in alert. "What that's great that's good how's he feeling?"

"No that's not what I mean he ran away Harry. He left."

AN: sorry I have not been on for a while I've been very busy plus I was grounded which was terrible I wanted to cry but I finally got it. I'm deciding to start schedules 4 when I update my books we all know obviously that it's almost Thanksgiving so I don't know if I'm going to be updating that week but I might because I'm probably going to be bored so again Sorry.

Schedule for updating books!

Behind broken walls: Wednesday - Saturday
Shattered chains: Sundays-Thursday
Only us: Mondays- Friday
Misfit: Sundays-Thursday
Rogue-Unknown
Along the run-Wednesdays-Saturdays
You want me-Unknown

So that's the schedule. I update twice for every book! Now i know it's gonna be easy to maintain but I'll manage!!

Bye!! XOXOXOXOXOXOX #HUNGRY