Behind Broken Walls (Zarry) GOING UNDER MAJOR EDITING*****

Chapter 4

I regret it. I regret everything that happened yesterday. Why did I have to get drunk? If I hadn't have done that, harry wouldn't have to help me.

My mind was in excruciating pain. I turned over slowly to get my pills but frowned when seeing they weren't there. "Harry-" I cut myself off remembering he wasn't there and he wasn't going to be.

I groaned getting up from my bed, dragging myself towards the kitchen of my nice messy hotel. "At least I don't need him cleaning up anymore." I mumbled. "He should be happy."

I walked over to the fridge and grabbed myself the carton of milk, jugging down the bottle. I grabbed my pills slow long then as well feeling light on my feet and better than before. Now I can drink more. There's a bright side.

"I want you to try. Quit it Zayn. I understand you have grief but you can't let it take over you like this. Your gonna end up know where Zayn!"

A stab of guilt erupted in my stomach and I knew it wasn't going to leave. Why did he have to be in the back of my mind? Why did I think of his voice anytime I wanted to harm myself in any way. It's always Harry and I hate it. I hate him.

I heard my front door open and I walked to the door seeing it was everyone except Harry.

I felt a slight pang in my chest seeing as he wasn't there. He was ignoring me. Is it weird that I wanted to start crying right now.

"Hey Zayn. We heard about what happened yesterday. How are you doing?" Liam asked.

"Your not gonna yell at me forgetting drunk." I mumbled sitting on the couch.

"Well considering my friend almost got hurt yesterday, I'm not going to." Liam tried to joke.

"I think we should lay off today and just go out for errands. Maybe the mall." Niall said.

"You guys can go." I said.

"Nope. Your going." Louis said.

"No I'm not." I said. I got up ignoring everyone's looks.

"Guys we need to......." His voice trailed off when our eyes made contact. I felt like I was going to fall. I've only stopped talking to him for a couple of hours and I already miss......what am I talking about.

I really need to stop.

Harry seemed emotionless as he stared at me. The guilt was eating me alive.

The whole room went silent and it was excruciating pain.

"Guys we need to go." Harry said ignoring me. He didn't seem to care like he used to. He almost acted like I didn't exist.

But that's what I wanted, right? Of course it was.

They all nodded. "Zayn are you going?" Niall asked.

"N-

"We don't have enough time lets go before it gets busy." Harry said cutting me off.

They all walked out not even bothering to say goodbye. They don't care. They never will care. Just as long as I'm alive and don't screw up the group everything's okay.

Well it's not. I can't stop drinking. I can't stop my depressing phase. I can't stop my numb ability to get my ass up and I can't stop thinking of Perrie. If I could stop thinking of her I would.

Maybe if they did care and acted more like H-

"God why do I keep on thinking of him?" I groaned running my hands through my hair.

I don't even deserve them. Or Harry. Nobody has hope for me anyways. I might as well waist my life away right?

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