Cold As Ice

Chapter ten

*Thomas P.O.V*

I toss my blue shirt in the laundry basket and looked around. The room was empty. I jumped on the bed and looked at the ceiling. I had finished my homework and I was now waiting for the supper. I could smell the shepherd's pie cooking. Derek was tutoring today. It has been 4 weeks since the French lessons began. Normally, I would be playing some video games with him. Then he'd tackle me onto the ground and would kiss my cheek. I'd smile and laugh. Our friendship has always been that way. Even after he came out, our friendship never changed. I was so proud of him, but I'm always scare that someone's gonna hurt him. That's why I didn't really like it when he would go over the rich dude house. What if he go beaten up? What if he starts getting bullied? What if he starts cutting? What if he killed himself? What am I gonna do if he dies? Will I cut myself? Will I die too? Alright, alright, alright. Calm down.

''Dinner!'' Derek's mom shouted. I got up and slowly walked down the stairs. I got to the table and sat at my place. I looked down at my plate. It seemed good, but all I could see was fat. Derek would have begged me to eat, but right now, he was not there. I ate half of my plate, putting the rest away for my lunch tomorrow. ''You're sure you've eaten enough?'' my friend's parents asked. Which I replied that I wasn't hungry. I got to Derek's room and threw myself on the bed. The sheets and pillow on his side had his smell. I took one of his pillow, hugged it. and closed my eyes. The smell of citrus filled my nose. Oh how I loved that smell. My stomach grumbled but I ignored it. I had to lose weight. My parents always told me that I was a fat kid. I believe them, even if I shouldn't. The two people who are legally label as my parents, Denise and Chris, only pay for school and hockey. When I was a kid, my mother told me I was an unwanted kid. An accident. Dad told me I was worthless. I wouldn't go far in life. I was 6 year old.

I opened my eyes, Derek's pillow still against my body. I took off my pants and got under the blankets. I tried to fall asleep, ignoring my stomach who was screaming famine. I tried to sleep but it didn't work. I used to have Derek next to me every night. But since he started tutoring, he was coming home late and wouldn't be there when I'd fall asleep. Normally, he would come back at 8, eat, do some homework, watch TV and would finally go to sleep... at 11 pm. We would usually go to sleep at 10:30, but I was now the only one.

I knew it was 7pm, but I was feeling so tired recently. I imagine Derek's arms, wrapping me and pulling my body closer to his. We started sharing a bed at about 8 years old. I would have a sleeping bag on the floor, but for no particular reason, I would fall asleep in his bed. It became an habit. When I started 'living' with the Taylor's, Derek's mom tried to make me sleep in the guest room. It didn't work. I remember trying to sleep there. Since I felt alone, I got up and walked to Derek's bedroom. He wasn't sleeping either. He opened his arms and I buried my face on his shoulder. We were 15 year old.

I woke up but quickly realized it was the middle of the night. I got up. My bare feet touching the cold floor, my left hand ruffling my hair. I paced around the bedroom. No shirt, I was freezing, but too tired to look in the drawers. One step in front of the other, I strolled around.  Why wasn't Derek back? Gosh I'm so hungry. Is he home? Food. I didn't hear the front door open. I could eat a salad right now. Where is he? ''Thomas?'' a voice asked.

''Deky?'' I replied as fast as I could.

''Um... I'm sorry. Derek fell asleep on the couch.'' I recognized Mr.Taylor.

''It's ok.''

''I came because I could hear you walking back and forth. I was wondering if everything was alright.''

''Yeah, yeah... perfect.'' I lied. ''Good night.''

''Good night, Thomas.''

He left and I laid on the bed. I looked over at the clock. 10pm. Was Derek really sleeping at 10pm?  I didn't know anymore. I'm so weak. If Derek wasn't there for me, I'd be nobody. I'd be nothing. 

I opened my phone and looked through my pictures. Cherie. Blond hair with dyed blue tips. Beautiful eyes and amazing smile. Her white teeth and her two dimples on her cheeks. I was in love with her since I first saw her when I was 12. She was new to the neighbourhood. I remember that day like if it was yesterday. 

Derek and I were playing hockey in the street. Yes, even though it was summer, we would put our roller blades and play. I remember seeing her, walking straight to us. She stepped in the middle of the road and crossed her arms. Derek threw her the plastic ball, telling her to go away. She picked up the orange ball and threw it at me. ''I want to play with you.'' she said. Her eyes were sparkling. ''Thomas! Tell her she can't play with us!'' Derek had told me. ''I don't see why she couldn't'' was my answered. My best friend sighted. We then became friends. Derek accepted Cherie and my crush on her kept on growing. 

I finally fell asleep, cuddling with a pillow.